Jokes

[Stephen Thomas]

A cannibal and his son are walking along a beach and see a good looking young blonde lady sunbathing topless. The son says 'Hey, dad, I've got a good idea. Why don't we take her home and eat her'. The father says 'I've got a better idea, son. Why don't we take her home and eat your mother.'

[Sister Hyde]

mwhahahahaha good one.

[c.d.]

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod. Initially they hadn't realized that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

There are many bad things associated with pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

I have been characterized as being a modest man. After checking into a hotel room on a recent trip, I mentioned to the lady at the front desk..."I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."

c.d.

[Steven Russell]

I went past an AA van the other day and noticed the driver was hunched over the wheel in floods of tears. It was clear he was heading for a breakdown.

Boom boom.
Steve.

[Sister Hyde]

Hi Sister Hyde,

Well, just try and look on the bright side, at least you are never really alone with Schizophrenia!!!

"Satan's little helper!" Classic!!! Boys, eh!!! What are they like???!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=781gCOmhO3g

Best Wishes,
Zodiac.

P.S. Err... I think that I might just give the shower a miss tonight!!!

boys are naughty creatures anyway, this one is only 15 months old but he already deserves the shirt.

love the video, it can compete with "yeah i killed my mama" from lovely Henry.

[Zodiac]

A boy's best friend is his mother!!!

ahahahahahah classic (my boy used to have a t-shirt with "satan's little helper" on it). as for me, i used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.

Hi Sister Hyde,

Well, just try and look on the bright side, at least you are never really alone with Schizophrenia!!!

"Satan's little helper!" Classic!!! Boys, eh!!! What are they like???!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=781gCOmhO3g

Best Wishes,
Zodiac.

P.S. Err... I think that I might just give the shower a miss tonight!!!

[Sister Hyde]

Did you hear about the Coven of Dyslexic Devil worshipers??? They sold their Souls to Santa!!!

ahahahahahah classic (my boy used to have a t-shirt with "satan's little helper" on it). as for me, i used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.

[Robert]

Certainly the label of the first pressing of "Electric Ladyland" read "Electric Landlady" but I don't think that was his doing.

[caz]

I think Jimi Hendrix was dyslexic. He choked on his own Vimto.

[Zodiac]

Did you hear about the Coven of Dyslexic Devil worshipers??? They sold their Souls to Santa!!!

Best wishes,
Zodiac.

P.S. Just in case anybody out there, be they dyslexic or not, happens to find this offensive, all I can do is to apologize and to point out that as a Dyslexic myself I do not, in this context, and on this forum, find it it so. When told between friends and in a friendly, rather than a hurtful manner, I actually find this one laugh out loud funny!!!

[Stephen Thomas]

True story......

In England a few days ago guests at a funeral service got to hear the dead man's favourite song through the loudspeakers.

'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees.

[protohistorian]

Vatican Scientist! Dave

[martin wilson]

I didnt know much about women when I first got married.
When my wife told me she was getting her period,I didnt know what she meant.
I soon realised it was the Jurassic.
All the best.

[Stephen Thomas]

Last night a lady said I was a lousy lover. I've no idea how she could possibly come to such a conclusion after only two minutes

[lynn cates]

four

Hello CD. You've likely heard this already, but . . .

A Scotsman is stranded on a desert island for 3 days and as he regains consciousness, a lovely, scantily clad female leans over him.

"Can I get you anything?" she says with a wink.

"Aye, Lassie. I Haven't a bite in aboot 3 days noo. D'ye have something to eat?"

She looks disappointed but returns with a plate of steaming haggis.

The Scotsman can't believe it but devours it quickly and wipes his mouth.

"Can I get anything else?" she asks with a big smile.

"Aye, Lassie. Tha' haggis has made me verruh thirsty. You wouldn't have a wee dram would you?"

She looks even more disappointed but returns with a bottle of 50 year old single malt.

The Scotsman thinks he's died and gone to Heaven. He drains it in a single draught and thanks her.

Taking the direct approach she intones, "Would you like to play around?"

"What?"

"Would you like . . . to play . . . A-ROUND?!!!"

The Scotsman looks at her and replies, "Och, Lassie! Dinnah tell me ye've got a golf course here too!!!"

Cheers.
LC