Jokes

[c.d.]

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him that he has the right to remain silent?

c.d.

[c.d.]

Two old ladies are talking. The first one says
"when I went for my annual checkup last month, the doctor told me that I was in terrible physical condition and he recommended that I take one of those aerobics classes for seniors. So last week I went."
"How was it, asked her friend?"
She says "well I pushed and I pulled and I tugged and I moved and I sweated."
Her friend says "did you like the class?"
She says "well by the time I got my leotard off, the class was over."

c.d.

[Steve]

Funny ...

[Steve]

If I could see what I was doing it would help ,,,,

[Steve]

If I could see where I was going it would help .....

[Steve]

I will reach my knees .....

[Celesta]

It was almost time for school to dismiss and a mother noticed it looked like rain. So she drove toward school to pick up her eight-year-old daughter.

She turned down the street to see her daughter running towards her down the sidewalk. A lightning bolt flashed and the little girl looked up towards the sky, smiled and then began running towards her mother's van.Another lightning bolt flashed and again the little girl looked towards the sky, smiled and resumed running. This happened several more times until the little girl finally arrived at where her mother was parked.

Her mom immediately inquired as to the strange behavior. "Why did you keep stopping and smiling at the sky," she asked her daughter.

"I had to, Mommy. God was taking my picture."

[gizmo]

What A Joke Thuis Is !!!!!!!

Hey Tom Wescott. I think you will agree with this one.!!!! Check out on YouTube "JACK THE RIPPER BUSTED BY PATRICIA CORNWELL" This is a real winner-check out her other videos, they are a hoot(ers).

[Jon Guy]

I was rejected from another dating agency today.

They asked me what I want in a woman.

Apparently "my c##ck" was not the answer they were looking for.

[Steve]

Canadian ...

... sense of humour!

[Steve]

Canadian ...

... sense of humour 2.

[Steve]

Canadian ...

... sense of humour 3.

[Graham]

Fair enough, I'd say.

Cheers,

Graham

[Celesta]

BBQ RULES

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....


(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking
efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

[caz]

Oh Celesta, that's no joke - it's all too true.

Did you hear about the woman who gave birth to identical twin boys, called Amal and Juan? When her hubby arrived at the hospital the nurse brought in one of his new sons to cuddle. "That's Juan", said his missus proudly. "He's perfect", said hubby. "Can I see what Amal looks like now?" And the nurse said, "No need. When you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal".