Rules for Singing the Blues

[caz]

But old Monty he done upped and left me
Just like all those felines before
alone with my thoughts by the river
with barely a wave of his paw

Now that would get me singing the blues, Ms D.

Love,

Caz
X

[caz]

Now ol Monty he’s a Tom cat.
9 lives before he gets his casket.
But I might put him there sooner.
Cos he didn’t use his litter basket.

Good one, Yabs.

Monty has this response for you:

I don't need no litter tray,
The backyard next door's okay.
And nine lives don't impress this cat,
Keith Richards has more than that.

Love,

Monty
X

[caz]

Ol Monty don't care about litter
He's a wanderin son of a gun
If he don't come back soon I'll be bitter,
Track him down, call the vet, get him "done".

And this is what Monty has to say about it:

I bin done by the vet before,
All my bits lyin' on his floor.
He left me bereft and sad,
For the p***y I never had.

[Pcdunn]

On a serious note, my dentist made me feel guilty and bullied me into getting an electric toothbrush. I always thought they were sort of gimmicky and a waste of money. But I tell you they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Absolutely no comparison with a regular toothbrush. It's like getting a professional dental cleaning every time you use it. Dental health is important and they are well worth the money and then some. Check out reviews on amazon.

c.d.

I just had my dental checkup yesterday. I knew they'd find out I'd been neglecting my teeth, so I told them I have a new electric toothbrush on order. (It comes with a case that when closed, uses UV to clean the head!)

They were glad to hear it, and sang the praises of electric brushes, but also gave me a new manual toothbrush and orders to brush twice daily, lol.

[Pcdunn]

What if you are owned by a big old battle-scarred killer cat called Monty?

When we go away, a friend feeds Monty, and when she goes away I feed her three tortoises.

I would think I have more right to sing the blues than she does.

I decided to replace all the windows in my house due to my tabbycat Molly, who got out twice last summer by wriggling out the bottom of a loose screen. She scared me into thinking this rescued stray cat would abandon me, but fortunately she hung around the house and let me recapture her. (Heck, the first night out, she pawed at the back window to come in and have her supper!)

Of course, now I'm paying for the replacement windows, but at least I can afford them. They all had torn screens and a few had cracks, so I figure it was worth it.

[Pcdunn]

Can I add stealing library books to the second list?

Um, retired librarian here, and book theft isn't a joke! The New York Public Library once had a staff member dedicated to tracking down patrons who had run up hundreds of dollars in book fines.
And there was a case awhile back about a man who not only stole entire volumes, but also cut out priceless illustrations from rare books, for a very high value in damages.

[Pcdunn]

You can sing the blues, like Tom Dooley, if tomorrow's you're bound to die...

However, forget about singing them if you are losing your hair to pattern baldness, suffer with hangnails, can't find organic eggs, or are lactose-intolerant.

[c.d.]

I just had my dental checkup yesterday. I knew they'd find out I'd been neglecting my teeth, so I told them I have a new electric toothbrush on order. (It comes with a case that when closed, uses UV to clean the head!)

They were glad to hear it, and sang the praises of electric brushes, but also gave me a new manual toothbrush and orders to brush twice daily, lol.

Hello PC Dunn,

I am like a hardcore atheist turned religious fanatic with respect to electric toothbrushes. There is now an established link between heart disease and dental health. The nice thing about electric toothbrushes is that they allow you to really get up into your gum line where most dental problems originate. They also do a really nice job of whitening your teeth. I am sure you will enjoy yours (I am assuming that you were not fibbing!).

My endodontist has a sign up in her office. It reads "do I really need to floss all of my teeth?" Answer: "no, only those ones you want to keep."

Seriously, you only get one set of teeth. You need to take care of them.

c.d.

[caz]

I decided to replace all the windows in my house due to my tabbycat Molly, who got out twice last summer by wriggling out the bottom of a loose screen. She scared me into thinking this rescued stray cat would abandon me, but fortunately she hung around the house and let me recapture her. (Heck, the first night out, she pawed at the back window to come in and have her supper!)

Of course, now I'm paying for the replacement windows, but at least I can afford them. They all had torn screens and a few had cracks, so I figure it was worth it.

Christ on a bike. If I tried keeping my Monty indoors, I'd end up as his supper by nightfall!

The only time he put his paws down and refused to go out was when we had the 'Beast from the East' here in England in 2018 and the snow freaked him out. According to his microchip he was born in 2009 so he may never have seen snow before. He crossed his legs all day, staring through the cat flap, and eventually took a pee on the mat in the downstairs loo and then tried to bury it. So we had to invest in a litter tray which hasn't been used since.

Love,

Caz
X

[caz]

Um, retired librarian here, and book theft isn't a joke! The New York Public Library once had a staff member dedicated to tracking down patrons who had run up hundreds of dollars in book fines.
And there was a case awhile back about a man who not only stole entire volumes, but also cut out priceless illustrations from rare books, for a very high value in damages.

Agreed, but I'd consider c.d's 'insider trading' and 'texting while driving' even less funny.

Stealin' library books ain't no joke.
Someone's gotta pay.
But cookin' books and killing folks?
Those blues won't go away.

[caz]

Mean ol' Monty,
Won't leave that bird alone.
Invites her in for supper,
She ain't never goin' home.
Mean ol' Monty.

Mean ol' Monty,
Cute li'l mouse beware.
Run like hell and tell your mom
He likes his mices rare.
Mean ol' Monty.

Mean ol' Monty,
He could write a thriller.
'Bout all the living flesh he's ate,
A mean ol' serial killer.

[Dickere]

Agreed, but I'd consider c.d's 'insider trading' and 'texting while driving' even less funny.

Stealin' library books ain't no joke.
Someone's gotta pay.
But cookin' books and killing folks?
Those blues won't go away.

Get Jeffrey Dahmer a geetar and you've got a hit.