Rules for Singing the Blues

[caz]

On a serious note, my dentist made me feel guilty and bullied me into getting an electric toothbrush. I always thought they were sort of gimmicky and a waste of money. But I tell you they are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Absolutely no comparison with a regular toothbrush. It's like getting a professional dental cleaning every time you use it. Dental health is important and they are well worth the money and then some. Check out reviews on amazon.

c.d.

I don't think my old dad was very keen on dentists, c.d., having few teeth to call his own and a very sweet tooth, and the only person allowed to bully him was my mother.

Love,

Caz
X

[Ms Diddles]

It' is acceptable to sing the blues if you smell of fags, booze, ennui and bitter disappointment.

It's not acceptable to sing the blues if you smell of Jo Malone or Marc Jacobs.




(Or if you use the word ennui)!

[Ms Diddles]

I think you are good if you own an old one eyed or lame cat. Obviously hamsters and turtles are a non-starter.

c.d.

A big old rat in your shirt pocket, and I reckon you're good to go though.

[c.d.]

It's acceptable to sing the blues if you travel with your clothes in paper bags or an old suitcase wrapped with twine. Not acceptable to sing the blues if you have any luggage marked Gucci or Patagonia or any luggage with wheels on it.

c.d.

[caz]

Acceptable hobbies if you want to sing the blues: drinking (especially in excess), gambling (especially if you tend to lose), womanizing (especially if you are not good at it).

You cannot sing the blues if you collect stamps, play bridge or go antiquing on weekends.

c.d.

Luckily for my dad, he was into light opera and didn't quite trust the blues, so he didn't miss out. He only drank in moderation, never gambled to my knowledge and my mum had to teach him the facts of life!

In addition, he was fond of 'Going For A Song' and 'The Antiques Roadshow, and actually met my mother at their bridge club. His favourite hobby from childhood was stamp collecting, but I won't hold that against him. After he died in 1999, his collection, including many penny blacks, was valued by a chap from Stanley Gibbons and fetched a cool £25,000.

Love,

Caz
X

[caz]

I think you are good if you own an old one eyed or lame cat. Obviously hamsters and turtles are a non-starter.

c.d.

What if you are owned by a big old battle-scarred killer cat called Monty?

When we go away, a friend feeds Monty, and when she goes away I feed her three tortoises.

I would think I have more right to sing the blues than she does.

[c.d.]

Crimes which entitle you to sing the blues: murder (especially your lover and especially if she done you wrong), public drunkenness, petty theft, resisting arrest, car theft.

Crimes which prohibit you from singing the blues: insider trading, jaywalking, violations of zoning laws, texting while driving.

c.d.

[c.d.]

What if you are owned by a big old battle-scarred killer cat called Monty?

When we go away, a friend feeds Monty, and when she goes away I feed her three tortoises.

I would think I have more right to sing the blues than she does.

Got me an old cat named Monty
his life must been pretty hard
can tell jus from lookin'
cause he be all battle-scarred

c.d.

[Ms Diddles]

Got me an old cat named Monty
his life must been pretty hard
can tell jus from lookin'
cause he be all battle-scarred

c.d.

But old Monty he done upped and left me
Just like all those felines before
alone with my thoughts by the river
with barely a wave of his paw

[c.d.]

But old Monty he done upped and left me
Just like all those felines before
alone with my thoughts by the river
with barely a wave of his paw

Not bad. Not bad.

c.d.

[Yabs]

But old Monty he done upped and left me
Just like all those felines before
alone with my thoughts by the river
with barely a wave of his paw

Now ol Monty he’s a Tom cat.
9 lives before he gets his casket.
But I might put him there sooner.
Cos he didn’t use his litter basket.

[Ms Diddles]

Now ol Monty he’s a Tom cat.
9 lives before he gets his casket.
But I might put him there sooner.
Cos he didn’t use his litter basket.

Ol Monty don't care about litter
He's a wanderin son of a gun
If he don't come back soon I'll be bitter,
Track him down, call the vet, get him "done".

[JeffHamm]

ooo, this is fun, can I play?

if ol Monty keeps on escapin'
I'll nail that cat flap down
if he don't come back by the morning's light
well there's other cats in town

- Jeff

[Abby Normal]

your allowed to sing the blues if you have a rock for a pillow and a blanket of dirt.

[caz]

Crimes which entitle you to sing the blues: murder (especially your lover and especially if she done you wrong), public drunkenness, petty theft, resisting arrest, car theft.

Crimes which prohibit you from singing the blues: insider trading, jaywalking, violations of zoning laws, texting while driving.

c.d.

Can I add stealing library books to the second list?