A new BBC One documentary about one of the most infamous serial killers of all time.

[Phil Carter]

Fence No. 5 is "the double event" which has a nasty little gap in it leading to the next fence, No. 6, " the Canonical Turn".

The "double event" can be jumped as one fence, incase of being caught by the ensuing pack, but some horses like to take a pause before the second part.

,"The Canonical Turn" normally leads 5..or sometimes 6 horses into confusion. Course designer Saul Bragg says that this fence is the very basis of the race.

Another horse, "Eddies shawl" made a brief appearance at the start but now, even though Saul Bragg announced that it should be given the chance to compete, its rider, and his bodyguards, are nowhere to be seen.

Fence No. 7 is a bit of a mystery. The course seems to narrow into a lane, rather like a passageway, leading to the fence "Maitre D'Square". The horses are led to the fence by the unmistakable echoes of the heavy boots on their hooves. An ex police steward standing watch at the fence claims that on this race day he cannot hear the horses coming. Must be something in his tea..



Phil

[Phil Carter]

Hello Gareth,

The horse "Satirical" turned up at the wrong course and didn't enter the race. The Met Police Stewards didn't allow it in., saying that anything produced out of satire was not welcome.

Similarly, another horse that was refused entrance was the American Horse Tumblebum, reportedly ready to be written.. Sorry.. Ridden to death by it's rider, Micky Sailor.
The Met police Stewards had to call in the two vets, Bond and Phillips, but sadly they could not decide between them if the horse was a gelding, filly, a slightly effite Stallion or rather butch Mare.
The jury is still out on that one.



Phil

[Phil Carter]

Brilliant Phil, and likely more entertaining than the Doc. being advertised.
I notice they didn't even get to jump No.3, the water jump, colloquially known as "jus' the facts".

Hello Jon,

Fence No. 3.."jus the facts" is indeed a water jump. Saul Bragg, the course designer, insisted on leaving in "the facts".. Though one of the top weights in the field, Monty Druitt, has been known to jump into the water and not over it.
Most horses however will try to get around "the facts".

Fence No. 4 is another plain obstacle.. Known as "the writing on the wall or.." the wall" horses have been known to become confused as to it's appearance and find themselves quickly up against it. Many horses just can't read the fence well at all.


Phil

[Wickerman]

Brilliant Phil, and likely more entertaining than the Doc. being advertised.
I notice they didn't even get to jump No.3, the water jump, colloquially known as "jus' the facts".

[Sam Flynn]

Nice bit of satire, Phil

[Phil Carter]

And here is the betting for the "BBC we know but aren't telling" steeplechase handicap TV programme for 130 year olds.

2/1 Any Kosminski
3/1 Aaron Kosminski
5/1 Monty Druitt
8/1 P. A. V.
10/1 Willy Gull
12/1 Any Maybrick
20/1 Dear 'ol Hutch
25/1 Naughty boy Ostrog
66/1 Sooty and Sweep
100/1 Abber's delight
500/1 Any Churchill
1000/1 Netley's tea
2500/1 the rest of the field.

Last minute withdrawals from "Lechmere".. Who is a little Cross it seems.. And the Queen' s horse Victoria, who doesn't like the hard going. Also the rather mysterious rider Haylesy has wandered off onto another course in the City.

Note: all riders will be wearing blinkers.

Over to our commentator Peter "Gilbert" O' Sullivan...

And they are under starters orders.. The Met Police Steward is getting a bit better at this...

And they are off!!

First to show is Kaminsky.. Ridden by Morten Frido.. Running alongside him is Any Kosminski with Bobby Anderson aboard. There's a lot of jostling for position as they come for the first time to cross the Commercial Road..
Coming now to the first obstacle.. A fairly innocuous fence called "The Edivence".. As they approach at a fairly hefty gallop.. And... Oh no!.. There is chaos at the first fence.. Sooty and Sweep refused and is arguing in a loud squeak with Any Maybrick.. All the horses have either fallen or simply stopped! The outsider, "Diary ditty" has just completely stopped and is being given close attention by the Fraud Squad Stewards...
But wait... Bobby Anderson is trying again.. And again.. with Any Kosminski but simply hasn't got the knowhow to beat "the evidence".
The race has been stopped.. And all horses are cantering back to the start.
There will be a Met Police Stewards Enquiry.

One hour later...

The Stewards have decided to do away with fence no. 1 as they don't think it is needed. And surprisingly.. Fence no. 2 "where were you on that day" has also been taken down. They are taking advice from course designer Saul Bragg.

At this rate it will end up a long flat race that will go on forever..

Back to the studio.




The BBC wish to apologise to all viewers for wasting their time.




Phil

[Pcdunn]

Huh, that sounds interesting. Hope it shows up over here. A criminologist, yet!

[Phil Carter]

Hello Jon,

I will lay BIG money on yet another fit up for Aaron Kosminski.

Sadly.



Phil

[Wickerman]

Tell me there's no Royal Conspiracy/Diary nonsense in this attempt.

[richardh]

Silent Witness star Emilia Fox will investigate Jack the Ripper murders in new documentary.

The BBC has commissioned a one-off science documentary about Jack the Ripper, who is said to have murdered five poor, working-class women in London's East End between August and November 1888.

http://www.digitalspy.com/tv/news/a8...r-documentary/