A new BBC One documentary about one of the most infamous serial killers of all time.

[richardh]

Silent Witness star Emilia Fox will investigate Jack the Ripper murders in new documentary.

The BBC has commissioned a one-off science documentary about Jack the Ripper, who is said to have murdered five poor, working-class women in London's East End between August and November 1888.

http://www.digitalspy.com/tv/news/a862018/silent-witness-emilia-fox-jack-the-ripper-documentary/

[Wickerman]

Tell me there's no Royal Conspiracy/Diary nonsense in this attempt.

[Phil Carter]

Hello Jon,

I will lay BIG money on yet another fit up for Aaron Kosminski.

Sadly.



Phil

[Pcdunn]

Huh, that sounds interesting. Hope it shows up over here. A criminologist, yet!

[Phil Carter]

And here is the betting for the "BBC we know but aren't telling" steeplechase handicap TV programme for 130 year olds.

2/1 Any Kosminski
3/1 Aaron Kosminski
5/1 Monty Druitt
8/1 P. A. V.
10/1 Willy Gull
12/1 Any Maybrick
20/1 Dear 'ol Hutch
25/1 Naughty boy Ostrog
66/1 Sooty and Sweep
100/1 Abber's delight
500/1 Any Churchill
1000/1 Netley's tea
2500/1 the rest of the field.

Last minute withdrawals from "Lechmere".. Who is a little Cross it seems.. And the Queen' s horse Victoria, who doesn't like the hard going. Also the rather mysterious rider Haylesy has wandered off onto another course in the City.

Note: all riders will be wearing blinkers.

Over to our commentator Peter "Gilbert" O' Sullivan...

And they are under starters orders.. The Met Police Steward is getting a bit better at this...

And they are off!!

First to show is Kaminsky.. Ridden by Morten Frido.. Running alongside him is Any Kosminski with Bobby Anderson aboard. There's a lot of jostling for position as they come for the first time to cross the Commercial Road..
Coming now to the first obstacle.. A fairly innocuous fence called "The Edivence".. As they approach at a fairly hefty gallop.. And... Oh no!.. There is chaos at the first fence.. Sooty and Sweep refused and is arguing in a loud squeak with Any Maybrick.. All the horses have either fallen or simply stopped! The outsider, "Diary ditty" has just completely stopped and is being given close attention by the Fraud Squad Stewards...
But wait... Bobby Anderson is trying again.. And again.. with Any Kosminski but simply hasn't got the knowhow to beat "the evidence".
The race has been stopped.. And all horses are cantering back to the start.
There will be a Met Police Stewards Enquiry.

One hour later...

The Stewards have decided to do away with fence no. 1 as they don't think it is needed. And surprisingly.. Fence no. 2 "where were you on that day" has also been taken down. They are taking advice from course designer Saul Bragg.

At this rate it will end up a long flat race that will go on forever..

Back to the studio.




The BBC wish to apologise to all viewers for wasting their time.




Phil

[Sam Flynn]

Nice bit of satire, Phil

[Wickerman]

Brilliant Phil, and likely more entertaining than the Doc. being advertised.
I notice they didn't even get to jump No.3, the water jump, colloquially known as "jus' the facts".

[Phil Carter]

Brilliant Phil, and likely more entertaining than the Doc. being advertised.
I notice they didn't even get to jump No.3, the water jump, colloquially known as "jus' the facts".

Hello Jon,

Fence No. 3.."jus the facts" is indeed a water jump. Saul Bragg, the course designer, insisted on leaving in "the facts".. Though one of the top weights in the field, Monty Druitt, has been known to jump into the water and not over it.
Most horses however will try to get around "the facts".

Fence No. 4 is another plain obstacle.. Known as "the writing on the wall or.." the wall" horses have been known to become confused as to it's appearance and find themselves quickly up against it. Many horses just can't read the fence well at all.


Phil

[Phil Carter]

Hello Gareth,

The horse "Satirical" turned up at the wrong course and didn't enter the race. The Met Police Stewards didn't allow it in., saying that anything produced out of satire was not welcome.

Similarly, another horse that was refused entrance was the American Horse Tumblebum, reportedly ready to be written.. Sorry.. Ridden to death by it's rider, Micky Sailor.
The Met police Stewards had to call in the two vets, Bond and Phillips, but sadly they could not decide between them if the horse was a gelding, filly, a slightly effite Stallion or rather butch Mare.
The jury is still out on that one.



Phil

[Phil Carter]

Fence No. 5 is "the double event" which has a nasty little gap in it leading to the next fence, No. 6, " the Canonical Turn".

The "double event" can be jumped as one fence, incase of being caught by the ensuing pack, but some horses like to take a pause before the second part.

,"The Canonical Turn" normally leads 5..or sometimes 6 horses into confusion. Course designer Saul Bragg says that this fence is the very basis of the race.

Another horse, "Eddies shawl" made a brief appearance at the start but now, even though Saul Bragg announced that it should be given the chance to compete, its rider, and his bodyguards, are nowhere to be seen.

Fence No. 7 is a bit of a mystery. The course seems to narrow into a lane, rather like a passageway, leading to the fence "Maitre D'Square". The horses are led to the fence by the unmistakable echoes of the heavy boots on their hooves. An ex police steward standing watch at the fence claims that on this race day he cannot hear the horses coming. Must be something in his tea..



Phil

[Wickerman]

I could read along with this all day, great stuff Phil.
Druitt, jumping in....
You missed Hutchisson, thats the jockey who claimed he ran the race but no-one saw him there. His claim was deemed suspicious, just a liar, only after the prize money.

[Phil Carter]

Just wait Jon.. Patience matey...


😊

Phil

[Phil Carter]

There is then a long flat run of about 39 furlongs to the next fence, before which the horses have to cross the Commercial Road a second time.

Fence No 8 is a plain filthy ditch. Known as the worst looking fence on the course, "Dosser's Street" is rarely patrolled by the race Stewards. Much can happen at this fence, and members of the public live nearby.
I fact, stray cats have been known to scream murderously at night, waking up the neighbourhood.

A resident Met Police Steward of the course, G. F. Abbercream, takes particular note of the runners and riders at this fence.
In previous races, Good Ol' Hutch has been known to Influence the race but is never seen. Abbercream has faith in Hutch though. Hutch's rider is quite a celebrity. A Magi in fact. Magi Strate is a pipe or cigar smoking man of well turned appearance.



Phil

[Phil Carter]

"Wally Suckered" is an interesting horse.. The only horse in the race ridden by a female rider, the American Patsy Devonish. Trained by his own foal, this horse entered the race of it's own accord.
Known to give the appearance of painting a pretty picture whilst running, the horse tends to run in the shade, even though it's rider prefers to be in the light and likes to make the running.

The rank outsider in the field is the rather obscure horse
Chas of the strand. Coming from dubious Danish stock, this breed of horse is clearly punching above it's weight. The horse, and it's rider, Timmy Waistcoat, have no previous form but are known to all by the noise made whilst galloping about on the sandy soil of the American mid West.



Phil

[Phil Carter]

Fence No. 9 is "The Chair".. A high.. Somewhat mighty fence on top of which sits the course designer, Saul Bragg. He has in past years however, complained that he may have devolved piles. Piles of what one wonders?

The Chair is a fence all riders have to pass. If one is given the nod of approval by Saul, one is immediately entered into the small winners enclosure at the end of the race.. Even though there are no winners.

Failure to get past "The Chair" can result in any rider having their rider's licence revoked for eternity, and be constantly reminded of it. However, as course designer, Saul is keen to see that the field is kept in proper order.



Phil