Last night I was walking into the grocery store. I was with my two boys, ages 11 and 7. We were in the crosswalk about six to ten feet from the entrance, not in a particular hurry, chatting about our day. I was holding hands with my seven year old. A car made a sharp turn out of one of the rows, floored it, apparently saw my boys and I, slammed on the breaks, and screeched to a halt, in the crosswalk about six inches from my right leg. My 11 year old had sprinted out of the way, my seven year old was - as usual - oblivious so I had swung him out in front of me onto the sidewalk (he landed on his feet and thought that was great fun). The man behind the wheel then blasted his horn, began screaming something from inside the car, realized that I couldn't hear him well, thus he helpfully displayed his middle finger for me and, you know, my two kids, to see.
So, here is what I did. I leapt up and planted my ass - and my entire 215 pounds - right upon the hood of his car. I felt and heard the sound of a very satisfying give in the metal as I sunk into the crater that had been formed by my rear-end. I then popped off the hood, responded with my own middle finger salute, rounded up my boys, and went in for bananas, egg whites, and oatmeal.
As far as I can tell the 50-something guy behind the wheel said nothing. He did sit outside for about ten seconds before he drove away. After he did I noticed a police officer standing by the entrance. He wasn't smiling and he'd obviously seen the whole thing. At this point I became somewhat apprehensive. I felt a twinge - but only a twinge - of regret. The cop said only one word to me: "Nice!" He than asked my boys if they wanted police badge stickers and we all lived happily ever after.
So, here is what I did. I leapt up and planted my ass - and my entire 215 pounds - right upon the hood of his car. I felt and heard the sound of a very satisfying give in the metal as I sunk into the crater that had been formed by my rear-end. I then popped off the hood, responded with my own middle finger salute, rounded up my boys, and went in for bananas, egg whites, and oatmeal.
As far as I can tell the 50-something guy behind the wheel said nothing. He did sit outside for about ten seconds before he drove away. After he did I noticed a police officer standing by the entrance. He wasn't smiling and he'd obviously seen the whole thing. At this point I became somewhat apprehensive. I felt a twinge - but only a twinge - of regret. The cop said only one word to me: "Nice!" He than asked my boys if they wanted police badge stickers and we all lived happily ever after.
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