'It Was a Dark & Stormy Night' Bad Writing Contest- Try Writing One!

[Archaic]

Trent da Man!

Hi Ruby; loved that excerpt of Trent!

James Bond, move over...

Because if you don't move over Trent will make you with a gun and then you'll be real real sorry sucka!

Whew!! That felt good. For a moment, I was Trent.


Signed,
Trent

- uh, I mean Archaic.

[jason_c]

Hi Ruby; loved that excerpt of Trent!

James Bond, move over...

Because if you don't move over Trent will make you with a gun and then you'll be real real sorry sucka!

Whew!! That felt good. For a moment, I was Trent.


Signed,
Trent

- uh, I mean Archaic.

Rubyretro, your welcome. I remember spending an evening reading the entire thread myself. Trent can be addictive to both men and women......but mostly women.

Archaic, dont be silly. No-one, and I mean no-one can remotely come close to being Trent!

SKRRK! SKRRK SKRRK! Somehwere in the distance Trent could hear it. SKRRK! SKRRK! SKRRK! Trent could well remember that noise from the time he was in the army. "I can well remember that noise from the time I was in the army" Trent thought. No time for thinking, he thought. And carried on running. The SKRRK!ing seemed to be getting closer though and Trent knew he must stop and fight or be killed. "Gasp!" Trent gasped. "Corporal Jones?" "Hahaha, yes Trent, I knew you would come here and I knew you knew what the SKRRK!ing was and that you must stop. That's why I did it and why I came here in the first place." Trent wasn't sure whether he should hug him or punch him! Hug him because of the SKRRK!ing wasn't real and he knew he was safe after all, or punch him because he didn't actually like him! He shook the Corporal Jones on the hand. "Hahaha" said Corporal Jones. "Same old Trent!"

[Archaic]

Dearest Jason,

I just wanted to tell you- and I think I can speak for my pal Ruby too- we will be forever grateful to you for bringing the divine Trent into our heretofore barren lives.

I know you'll understand why I've decided I might have to sacrifice Ripperology to the higher calling of being a Trent groupie.

SKRRK! shall be my song forever more.

SKRRK!
Archaic

PS: I'm so swept away by my feelings, I've gone so far as to add SKRRK to my spell-check dictionary, so it will quit trying to correct me... how could I do any less for Trent?

[Archaic]

An Episode of Trent

"Trent looked at himself in the eyes. He couldn't of seen them normally except he was looking in a stream. Because of being in the army, he knew all about survival. Using a stream like mirror or a log or something as a seat if his legs got tired. His eyes that he was looking at looked tired, if only there was a log in that stream for them. There probably was logs in the stream thought Trent, but I'm not touching them with my eyes! "haha thought Trent. Trent sat on a log. Because of his legs were tired. CRACK! A noise went. CRACK! Like a mouse's spine breaking. Trent turned round at mouse height expecting to see one with a broke back. It was a broken twig though with a foot on it. Trent thought that was probably what broke it. He looked up the foot and up the leg the foot was on and then up again until he saw the face of a beautiful woman. Then Trent had sex with her " hahaha" Thought Trent. "

That's hot.
Archaic

[Archaic]

Trent's Adventures All In A Row

For all you legions of Trentheads out there, some kind soul gathered all the of the first dozen or so Trent paragraphs- er, I mean, chapters- and put them in sequence in one post to save fans from having to scroll through the thread. See post #100: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showt...5716814&page=7

Then Padraiggg, who is apparently Trent's private secretary or houseboy or something, started a blog called Trent's Adventures where you can read chapters 11-20: http://www.trentsadventures.com/the-madman/chapter-11/

Anyone notice that Trent's signature Hahahaha! reminds us of someone??

SKRRK!
Archaic

I have to go lay down now, because i laughed so hard I think i broke some ribs... maybe all of them.

[Rubyretro]

Oh yes, Bunny..I'm certainly in love with Trent too..he's so moreish...hahaha

Trent wnet into the stripclub because of he had found a matchbox that said the name of it at the antiques office. He saw the ladies being paid to take there clothes off and the men looking at them. He wasnt sure why they werent just having sex with them for free instead. This annoyed him though and he karate choopped a few of them in the neck as he walked passed. He could see the boss stripper she was doing a dance on the stage Trent climbed on the stage and stunned her slightly with a modest roundhouse disguised as a pirouette. Now he could get the information. ‘where is your boyfriend i no he has the information of who set me up’. One of the strippers had been had sex with off trent before though and could see what was happening! She summoned the other strippers with a hawk like shriek and they all surrounded Trent like people surrounding a person! There was no way trent was going to pay each one of them €20 euros so he had to think fast. Trent started doing the maths in his head ’37 strippers… decimal… three… power of ten…’ Trent was getting bored though and just decided to pulverise the head stripper with a fantastic wheelkick. He had remembered his army training about strippers and knew the rest would run away without there master. He didnt have the information but he wasnt going to leave empty handed. trent scooped up some of the stragglers and abseiled out of the building onto a passigng lorry.

[jason_c]

Rubyretro, Archaic(sorry I dont know your gender Archaic) you both sound like you've already been had sex with by Trent!

[Rubyretro]

[QUOTE]

Rubyretro, Archaic(sorry I dont know your gender Archaic) you both sound like you've already been had sex with by Trent!

Well, I'm sure I can muster "a hawk like shriek".

[Rubyretro]

Jason -it isn't just been had sex, it is lurve..I had to go back..I just can't stop myself when it comes to Trent....

The antiques man picked up the pot very carefully it was very fragile like your nans voice when shes been out in the cold.He was wearing white gloves like a mickey mouse. Then he heard someone say “ancient etruscan i beleieve most likely 1576bc absolutely priceless of course” he turned round a man was standing there wearing some brand new €134 trousers. And a hat. A passing secretary fainted at how clever the thing she had just heard was. The two men stared silently for a second at the precious beauty in front of them… SNAPKICK! The antiques man looked down, at the end of his arms was a mess of shattered hands and pottery. Two seconds and various kung fu moves later he was knocked out. The antiques man woke up he could feel something on his back, he turned his head, there was a heavily muscled man having sex with a half conscious secretary on his back. “tell me the information, i know you work for the boss i lost a good pair of trousers that day who set me up?” said the man. “who..who are you?” asked the antiques man. Trent was so shocked he almost stopped having sex with the secretary. He looked at the man in the eyes and the man knew at once who he was dealing with. Trent asked him another question but it was to late the man had died because of fear! Trent tossed the secreatary into a shelf of antique door handles in disgust. He would have to ge tthe information another way. He dived out of the office window leaving behind him trail of broken antiques, fingers and hearts.

[Scorpio]

He stood gloating at the fresh grave, with his eyes shining wolfishly, as the cold wind wailed like a Banshee. Cunningly hidden amongst the sheltering wings of great stone Angel, Abberline suddenly steps forward
" Finally "
He said, his voice cracking with manly emotion as he nonchalantly flicks away his cigarette and draws his revolver.
" I knew you would come ."
The black-guard grinned like a reptile.
" Abberline!, you are to late!; my devilish work is done!."
Abberline bounded down the stairs in one magnificent leap.
" You will die for your disgusting crimes, you filthy foreign dog!"
He shouted. The big revolver roared like a lion and the chunky bullet sliced off a stone Cherubs nose, tantalisingly close to the fiends mishapen head. The beast turns and runs into the bowels of the cemetery, the soles of his rubber sandals slapping ominously. Minutes later, in the Stygian gloom, the wretch slithered through the open door of a mausoleum like a serpent and crouched.
" That soft tart Abberline will never find me!"
He chuckles, the light from a burning match casting an infernal glow on his coarse peasant features. Suddenly, a noble shadow appeared at the door.
" Thats right Jacky-boy"
Abberlines voice echoed with righteousness.
" No one will ever find you !."
The great stone doors swung shut with a terrible groan. The light from the match flickered and died as the brute screamed from the pit of his reeking soul.
The deathly silence of the cemetery was suddenly broken by hoarse bellowing of Serg Godley lost in the fog, as Abberline looked up to the broiling heavens and nodded.

This is a bit long; i got carried away

[Archaic]

The Ideal Man

Rubyretro, Archaic(sorry I dont know your gender Archaic) you both sound like you've already been had sex with by Trent!

Hi Jason. Only in our dreams.

I'm of the female persuasion... and it was Trent who persuaded me!

Hmm; that kinda sounds like I'm a guy who switched... (not surprising, cuz it's Trent we're talking about here)... but I'm not... OK, I was born a female, but it was Trent who made me feel like a real woman!

Let's put it this way: c.d. recently started a thread about a survey of women describing "the perfect man" (http://forum.casebook.org/showthread.php?t=6654) It lists 30 specific attributes women admire and want in a man: 6 ft tall,Toned & athletic, clean-shaven & sensitive...
Well, I've torn up that #1-#30 List of Attributes of the Ideal Man. My new list looks like this:

1. Trent

SKRRK!
Archaic

[Archaic]

Abberline's Noble Shadow

Hi Scorpio, your story totally rocks!

You've turned that bumbling, opium-swilling Abberline into a Trent-like manly-man!

I especially like the lines "his noble shadow", "chunky bullets", and "The beast turns and runs into the bowels of the cemetery, the soles of his rubber sandals slapping ominously." Poetry; sheer poetry.

What's the title? And when does the next chapter come out?

Your fan,
Archaic

[Rubyretro]

Oh, Bunny ! -We're not going to have to fight over him are we ?

Tell you what...I'll leave you Trent if I can have Padraiggg, hahaha...

(she shrieked, hawkishly)

[jason_c]

A hawkish shriek cried out from the bedroom window as a storm blew outside, inside the bedroom was stormier as Trent unloosened the lady's bodice; for it is in rubyretro's bedroom we set our scene, gusts of passion blew thickly in the air, outside a single cloud penetrated the moons spherical outline[for despite being a stormy night it was also relatively cloudless] SKRRK SKRRK Trent heard behind him.....suddenly he chopkicked without knowing why!!

[Archaic]

2004 Bulwer Lytton Contest Winner- Detective Fiction

"The knife handle jutted from her chest like one of the plastic pop-up timers in a frozen turkey, but from the blood pooling around the wound,
it was apparent that this bird wasn’t done." — Alaine Sepulveda, Las Cruces, NM


Now that's detective fiction!
Archaic