Cricket, lovely cricket

[Steven Russell]

From today's Telegraph:
"When Australia were on top and dominating world cricket, the things we wanted to do were score fast, take the game away from the opposition and intimidate the tail. England are doing all those and showing qualities that will make them no. 1 if they continue...

"I don't know if England are dominating or are a clear-cut no. 1 but they are probably the best side in the world right now, just ahead of South Africa."

There's much more in similar vein. And the author of these wise words? A certain SK Warne.

Now Adam, I understand from what you say that you could probably win the Ashes single handedly - if only your boneheaded selectors would see sense and make with the baggy green - but surely even a player of your stature would admit that Mr. Warne's views deserve some consideration. I think you need to lie down and get your boyfriend to mop your fevered brow until the symptoms have passed.

Best wishes,
Steve.

PS - Trivia. Before Dhoni, when was the last time the same person batted, bowled, fielded, kept wicket, and captained his side all in the same test match?

[Adam Went]

Monty:

She says Im better than you. Stick to boys, they seem to excite you more.

Seems you're obsessed with homosexuality - Steven is too by the looks of it. Something you two want to come clean about?

Let me get this straight. You, the bucked tooth Bunyip, want to take on this?.....

I once faced a bowling machine at 160 km/h. They've got nothing.
(Though i'll confess that I won't be doing that again in a hurry....)

It seems your attention has been drawn to the men.... again.

You saying that Pommy women are all tranny's?
Harsh words, Monty....

Yeah, you said that about Johnson, Watson, Siddle, Tait.....blah blah blah. I advise them to sit down and watch Anderson, Broad, Tremlett, Bresnan, Finn et al. Learn from the very best.

Finn? Who the hell is Finn? Unless you're talking about Neil of course, out of Crowded House....great band, that.

Trust me, Cummins is the real deal. Ignore my words at your peril.

Steven:

Warney gets payed to say that sort of crap these days you idiot....i'd sing The UN's praises too if they were paying me to do it.

PS - Trivia. Before Dhoni, when was the last time the same person batted, bowled, fielded, kept wicket, and captained his side all in the same test match?

Hmm....good one. I have a feeling that it might be a lot more recently than one would expect. So i'm going to take a stab at it based on some vague memories and say..... Brendon McCullum? Probably a year or two ago?

Cheers,
Adam.

[Monty]

"I once faced a bowling machine at 160 km/h. They've got nothing.
(Though i'll confess that I won't be doing that again in a hurry....)"

Bowling machines are easy. My son spent last winter at the ECB nets and got on fine at around 85 mph. This because you can't really alter line and lenght easily. After 85 mph it got a bit more difficult but 90 plus reactions must be test standard.....and that's where your boys buckled.

"You saying that Pommy women are all tranny's?
Harsh words, Monty...."

Nope, just pointing out the fact you are drawn to fellas. Its fine, no issue, just quit the denial.

"Finn? Who the hell is Finn? Unless you're talking about Neil of course, out of Crowded House....great band, that"

What year have I walked in to? 1994? You really do live in the past don't you?

"Trust me, Cummins is the real deal. Ignore my words at your peril. "

Like I say, your ability to predict up and coming stars, born out of desperation, is woefully lacking. If its like the other 'stars' you said would destroy us then my hands rub with glee.

Bring the boy on, he is another we will chew up and spit out.

Monty


PS Alec Stewart?

[Adam Went]

Monty:

Bowling machines are easy. My son spent last winter at the ECB nets and got on fine at around 85 mph. This because you can't really alter line and lenght easily. After 85 mph it got a bit more difficult but 90 plus reactions must be test standard.....and that's where your boys buckled.

Which is why the likes of Shoaib Akhtar and Brett Lee were virtually unplayable by all bar the best batsmen when they were bowling at their very quickest. Pace is difficult enough, add a bit of swing to that and you're in business.

So the son is a batsman then?

Net wickets are also a lot different than turf wickets, obviously.

I could barely pick the ball up at 160 kmh. Managed to get a couple away and they absolutely flew - the faster you bowl the faster they come off the bat - then got whacked flush on the hip, didn't tickle, and then next ball played a perfect forward defensive - only I completed it by the time by middle stump had been pinged against the wall behind. Would have tried even faster but the machine maxed out at 160.

Do the ECB nets have those virtual bowling machines which mimic the actions and variations of actual international bowlers?

Nope, just pointing out the fact you are drawn to fellas. Its fine, no issue, just quit the denial.

Not in denial, I just wanted your son to be the one to tell you about us.
Oh...whoops....

Likewise, if you and Steven enjoy taking turns reaming each other even as we speak here, then it isn't for me to judge.

What year have I walked in to? 1994? You really do live in the past don't you?

Crowded House are back together, touring and releasing new songs, dipshit. Surprised you've even heard of them. Thought Milli Vanilli was more your thing. Don't suppose you've heard of Cold Chisel? Going to see them in a couple of months.....Baaarrrnnnesssy!

Like I say, your ability to predict up and coming stars, born out of desperation, is woefully lacking. If its like the other 'stars' you said would destroy us then my hands rub with glee.

Good thing i've declared my availability for selection in 2013 then, just incase Cummins doesn't make it.

Cheers,
Adam.

[Monty]

He is an All Rounder. Took 5 for 37 last week and plundered 44 off 30 odd balls the week before. Here is a photo of him in full flow. Note the seam position.

The ECB machine has a diffence setting on it so you can simulate swing. Top speed 99 mph and Ive faced that for a laugh. However its all rather robotic and eliminates the element of surprise. You can see the guy altering it at the other end so whilst it gets you use to high speed, it really is repetative.

We also tried the spin machine, Merlin. Now thats a freaky piece of kit. Does everything. Flippers, zooters, some weird sh*t at 60 mph. That was tougher.

And all along the outside is the achievement board, with lots n lots of Aussie casualties.

Monty

[Steven Russell]

Steven:

Warney gets payed to say that sort of crap these days you idiot....i'd sing The UN's praises too if they were paying me to do it.

No he doesn't. He gets paid for his opinon, you ignoramus, and I would like to think he has enough integrity (unlike you, it seems) to be honest about it. How much would they need to pay you by the way? I'd be interested to learn who is paying you to spout the drivel you've been coming out with lately. Is it Monty so his arguments look wise in comparison?

Best wishes,
Steve.

[Adam Went]

Monty:

He is an All Rounder. Took 5 for 37 last week and plundered 44 off 30 odd balls the week before. Here is a photo of him in full flow. Note the seam position.

Nice! Can't argue with those numbers. Pleased to hear as well that he seems to be modelling himself on the style of Shane Watson. Good fella.

By the way, from this angle, looks like he's sprayed the ball waaaaay down the leg side. Five wides my friend. That's a "Harmison" ball.

The ECB machine has a diffence setting on it so you can simulate swing. Top speed 99 mph and Ive faced that for a laugh. However its all rather robotic and eliminates the element of surprise. You can see the guy altering it at the other end so whilst it gets you use to high speed, it really is repetative.

Yup, same problem with most bowling machines - as you say, you already know what line and length the ball will be before it's even bowled.
Did you pick the ball up at all at 99 mph?

Also, since we're on this thread, good time to suggest you read back through some of the pages and remind yourself about our Twenty20 match. Seems your boy would make a useful addition to your team.

Steven:

No he doesn't. He gets paid for his opinon, you ignoramus,

LOL!! Oh dear.

If I didn't know better, Steven, i'd suggest that i've managed to ruffle your feathers slightly.....so much so that you forgot to even give us the answer to the trivia question. But you wouldn't allow yourself to be ruffled by a convict, Steven.....would you?

Incidentally, gents, how good was that win by the Aussie boy over the Pom in the juniors final at Wimbledon recently?

And what about Cadel Evans?

You two lecture me about living in the past - I saw an episode of Top Gear the other week where they were in Germany and tried to give the Germans the shits by opening the car door to reveal two books on the seat - one was about the 1966 World Cup and the other was titled "Churchill"!

Back in yer boxes, I reckon....

Cheers,
Adam.

P.S. Steven, are you offering to pay me to compliment your team? If so, name your price and we'll negotiate from there.

[Phil Carter]

He actually runs in the same way as Michael Holding...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yLJBl6kiC4&feature=related

Phil

[Steven Russell]

Bollocks! Knowing full well that I had better not screw up myself when taking the piss out of someone's spelling or grammar, I did read that post about four times. Completely missed "Opinon". Bloody hell! Serves me right I suppose.

I don't know the answer to the trivia question. But I would be very interested to find out. Not sure how this can be achieved though.

Adam: Since I recognize that your pronouncements on this thread are fuelled by a blinkered nationalism allied to a severe inferiority complex, I will open the negotiations with the princely sum of **** all.

Monty: good luck to your lad.

Best wishes,
Steve.

PS Since you mention Top Gear - although why, I'll never know - I saw a film with one of the fellows from the Aussie version recently. It was called "Kenny" and was excellent for an Aussie film. And no Bryan Brown!

[Monty]

No Adam,

My lad can bowl, Watson cannot, that is obvious. He is more a Broad, what a great player.

His main strike ball is the inswinging yorker. So far this season he hasn't bowled a single no ball and 7 wides (2 were dubious). And in the photo it pitched on middle, seamed away and the bat took arms.....just to get it straight. He has been taught well, we don't tolerate Johnsons here.

Monty

[Adam Went]

Steven:

I believe the word you're looking for is....KARMA.

I don't know the answer to the trivia question. But I would be very interested to find out. Not sure how this can be achieved though.

Really do have a feeling that it was Brendon McCullum. In a match not that long ago.....Gareth Hopkins was keeping wicket. No doubt it'll come up in the Johnnie Walker Trivia one day.

Adam: Since I recognize that your pronouncements on this thread are fuelled by a blinkered nationalism allied to a severe inferiority complex, I will open the negotiations with the princely sum of **** all.

Harsh. Maybe you can sell my version of GSTQ to Itunes or something instead.

All I ask of you Poms is that when we aren't going so well, before dishing out the tongue lashings, just think for a moment about what it felt like back in the 90's to be a Pommy cricket fan, and how bad you felt after each Ashes series. Well, that's us now.....and being that we always took every win with extreme humility and grace, it would be sporting of you to do the same.

PS Since you mention Top Gear - although why, I'll never know - I saw a film with one of the fellows from the Aussie version recently. It was called "Kenny" and was excellent for an Aussie film. And no Bryan Brown!

Shane Jacobsen is the man.

If you wanna see a brilliant new Aussie film which is also based on a true story, check out "Red Dog" when it comes your way.

Monty:

My lad can bowl, Watson cannot, that is obvious. He is more a Broad, what a great player

Short memories. Watson used to be a bit of a bowling all-rounder, and would bat at 6 or 7. Can still bowl at 140 km/h and swing it both ways. If I was your son i'd be striving to be more like Watson than Broad any day, nobody likes a mouthy little cheat.

He has been taught well, we don't tolerate Johnsons here.

Now Johnson I agree with you about, he's useless. Occasionally produces a fantastic spell and everybody says he's turned a corner and then he slips back into mediocrity again. Watched him bowling in the T20 match against Sri Lanka last night, the amount of times he sent down half-trackers to Dilshan which promptly got despatched 30 rows back, I lost track of. What's wrong with full and straight?

He's only in the team because the honest truth of the matter is that there's nobody at state level who's knocking down the door for selection.

How's this post for honesty, Steven?

Cheers,
Adam.

[Steven Russell]

Spot on, old fellow. You must forgive us for crowing a bit about actually having a good team. We're not used to it, you see.

Berst wishes,
Steve.

[Adam Went]

Steven:

Understandable, of course. Every team goes through cycles of good and bad cricket - in fact, that would probably apply to every sports team in the world. But there's no doubt you've built up a decent team now, especially in the batting - I still think that your bowling isn't that strong but they keep proving people wrong so good luck to them.

India are looking down the barrel of facing the same situation as we did a few years back when most of our stars walked at the same time. Mentioned Laxman, Dravid and Tendulkar all being over 35 earlier, and I think Sehwag is about 35 now too so they will reach a point in the not too distant future where their stars will retire as well and then England really do have a chance of becoming #1 for a long time.

Except in 2013, of course. Then you shall be put back in your rightful places!

By the way Steven, do you have Skype? Might be the most effective way of giving you my rendition of GSTQ.

Cheers,
Adam.

[Adam Went]

And there you have it. Just to prove me spot on (or an idiot, not sure which yet), Johnson took 6 for 30 odd in the first ODI against Sri Lanka last night in a good victory for us.

That's all well and good, he's done that plenty of times before.....the point now is, can he back it up?

Cheers,
Adam.

[Monty]

After dominating the Aussies, pludering the Sri Lankans and destorying the Indians, England are now officially No1 Test playing nation in the world.

And fully deserved.

"Look at my works ye mighty, and despair."

Monty