All Things Conan Doyle & Holmes

[Steven Russell]

My dear Zodiac,
I have the honour to have been born in Yorkshire myself and now reside in that fine county. However, my formative years were spent elsewhere; a fact which occasioned a lengthy and highly unfortunate interruption in my own Ecky Thump studies. I am ashamed to confess that I have only progressed to white pudding grade and fear that I may never attain true mastery of that noble art.
When I say elsewhere, I mean Hartlepool which is a wonderful place to come from but less agreeable to go to. You may be aware of a legend concerning this quaint little town but I would be surprised indeed if you were acquainted with the extremely specific and most secret martial art practised in those parts. Suffice it to say that I am able to string up any recalcitrant primate with a speed which would cause any witnesses to draw in their breath in admiration and whisper, "Who is he?"
The adult male Hartlepudlian is, with a few exceptions, an uncouth creature to be avoided if at all possible. Perhaps you will forgive me for offering some unsolicited advice with regard to identification of the species. For it is a fact that one or two have cultivated a veneer of civility by acquiring (no doubt by nefarious means) a public school education. Sooner or later, however, they will give themselves away by asking, "At whom the f**k are you looking?"
It is my fervent hope that you may never have recourse to make use of this information and I remain, your obedient servant,

Steve.

[Zodiac]

Is "dislikeable" a real word? If so, I find it and Mr. Kalafus highly disagreeable. Someone should practise their baritsu on him.

Hi Steve,

Ha!!! You are, indeed, entirerly correct sir! The "disageeable" Mr Kalafus, of unhappy memory, deserves be treated to a thorough lesson in "Baritsu", also known as "Bartitsu", http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bartitsu of which I have gained some little knowledge, and which has proved to be most efficatious in its practical application. Of course, being born and raised a proud Yorkshireman, I was already well versed in the ancient northern martial art of Ecky Thump, though the most lethal nature of this hidden art quite forbids its use in all but the most grave of circumstances! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuP1e...eature=related

Best wishes,

Zodiac.

[Steven Russell]

You're both spot on, Graham and GM.
See, what people who don't like ACD do is try to target his spiritualist side - they completely ignore the good writing that he did, completely ignore that even he didn't go much on Holmes, completely ignore all the positive contributions he made to society and describe him in ways such as this:

When you are aware of how loathsome and (now I realize) outright evil Conan-Doyle was (I'm not big on concentration camp whitewashers) you cant help but notice how many of his dislikeable traits carry over into the books.
- Jim Kalafus, Encyclopaedia Titanica

For the record, this is from somebody who has read 2 Holmes short stories and no novels. LOL. Lynch mob, anyone?

Cheers,
Adam.

Is "dislikeable" a real word? If so, I find it and Mr. Kalafus highly disagreeable. Someone should practise their baritsu on him.

[Adam Went]

You're both spot on, Graham and GM.
See, what people who don't like ACD do is try to target his spiritualist side - they completely ignore the good writing that he did, completely ignore that even he didn't go much on Holmes, completely ignore all the positive contributions he made to society and describe him in ways such as this:

When you are aware of how loathsome and (now I realize) outright evil Conan-Doyle was (I'm not big on concentration camp whitewashers) you cant help but notice how many of his dislikeable traits carry over into the books.
- Jim Kalafus, Encyclopaedia Titanica

For the record, this is from somebody who has read 2 Holmes short stories and no novels. LOL. Lynch mob, anyone?

Cheers,
Adam.

[The Grave Maurice]

ACD's stuff is eminently readable. The same cannot be said of GBS or even the Sainted Shakespeare. I mean, Shakespeare was never intended to be read by hormone-ridden teenagers in stuffy classrooms. The plays were meant to be enjoyed, in performance, standing in the pit with a flagon of mead, or some other bevvy, in your mitt.

[Graham]

One of the works I had to contend with when I did A-Level English Lit was 'Major Barbara' by George Beardie-Shaw. It was more boring than something that is incredibly boring. The only thing old Beardie ever wrote that was worthwhile was 'Pygmalion' or whatever it's called, and then only because it formed the basis of a very good musical.

He was so...yawn...boring that I think...yawn...I'm passing into a....

Graham

[Adam Went]

Nasty stuff. Imagine there would not be much resistance after that!

Meanwhile, was much amused earlier today on another forum where certain members with the brain of a snail are hanging crap on ACD (the same ones who think George Bernard Shaw is the second coming), to scroll up to find an advertisement on top of their page for Sherlock Holmes stories....

Cheers,
Adam.

[Zodiac]

Zodiac:

LOL!
Though I suppose it could be worse.....the soldier would be thanking his lucky stars that he had not decided to do a 180 degree turn just before that shot was fired.

Cheers,
Adam.

LOL!!!
Oh my good lord yes, you are indeed right sir. Why, that would be clearly be a hit "below the belt"! Smack, bang, wallop right in the "Queensbury's"!!!

Best wishes,

Zodiac.

[Adam Went]

Zodiac:

LOL!
Though I suppose it could be worse.....the soldier would be thanking his lucky stars that he had not decided to do a 180 degree turn just before that shot was fired.

Cheers,
Adam.

[Zodiac]

Didn't Watson's injury start in his arm and move down to his leg in later stories? Or am I imagining things? Sadly, the continuity was sometimes lacking in the Holmes stories but I've never heard of Watson being shot in the arse.....though to get shot there would have been quite a bummer......heh, heh, heh.

Cheers,
Adam.

Hi Adam,

LOL!!! Yes, taking it "down under" is a painful, nay, "seminal" event in any young chaps military career!!! It can leave one in considerable discomfort when either walking, or indeed sitting, during later life! General Gordon was, of course, famously speared by a "Giant, brutal looking, thug of a Fuzzy-Wuzzy." The masive African shaft thrust deep into our hero. The doctors did what little they could for him, but alas, it took them four hours just to get the smile off his face!!!

Best wishes,

Zodiac.

[Adam Went]

Didn't Watson's injury start in his arm and move down to his leg in later stories? Or am I imagining things? Sadly, the continuity was sometimes lacking in the Holmes stories but I've never heard of Watson being shot in the arse.....though to get shot there would have been quite a bummer......heh, heh, heh.

Cheers,
Adam.

[Graham]

BLOODNOk: Aaaaaaaaggghhhh! Quick Abdul, a new shirt-tail!

Graham

[Robert]

BLOODNOK : Have you ever been in the thick of a battle with bullets flying and sabres clashing?

SEAGOON : No.

BLOODNOK : Pity, I was hoping you'd tell me what it was like. You see, I'm writing my memoirs.

[Graham]

Scuwwilous wumour, sir! Watson caught one up the Khyber at the Battle of Maiwand and was dwagged to safety by one Muwway, his orderly. Watson wecovered, and was sent back to Biliati on the twoopship Owontes, wanding at Pwymouth. He lived for a while at a hotel in the Stwand until he met that absowute bounder Holmes, who took him vewwy carefuwwy in hand and bwought him orf to what he is today.

Gwaham

[Zodiac]

Damned outrageous suggestion, I ejaculated!

Graham, just going from fuzzy memory, but that scene where Holmes reads Watson's mind : doesn't Watson put his hand to his old army wound and smile?

The whole story about Dr. Watson taking it in the arse in Afganistan is nothing but a vicious rumour put about by a bounder of a chap who left the regiment in disgrace, and without paying his mess bill, damn him for a cad! Watson was a splendid, upstanding sort of chap. Why even after all these long years I can still picture young Watson, along with his fellow junior offices, all lined up in undress, standing proud and erect, awaiting my inspection. Finer bodies of men as any that I ever had the pleasure of having under me!!!

Yours etc.

Brigadier the Hon. Sir George, Albert, Gertrude, Forthinton-Smythe (Ret). VC, MC, KBC etc. etc.