Jokes

[martin wilson]

I didnt know much about women when I first got married.
When my wife told me she was getting her period,I didnt know what she meant.
I soon realised it was the Jurassic.
All the best.

[protohistorian]

Vatican Scientist! Dave

[Stephen Thomas]

True story......

In England a few days ago guests at a funeral service got to hear the dead man's favourite song through the loudspeakers.

'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees.

[Zodiac]

Did you hear about the Coven of Dyslexic Devil worshipers??? They sold their Souls to Santa!!!

Best wishes,
Zodiac.

P.S. Just in case anybody out there, be they dyslexic or not, happens to find this offensive, all I can do is to apologize and to point out that as a Dyslexic myself I do not, in this context, and on this forum, find it it so. When told between friends and in a friendly, rather than a hurtful manner, I actually find this one laugh out loud funny!!!

[caz]

I think Jimi Hendrix was dyslexic. He choked on his own Vimto.

[Robert]

Certainly the label of the first pressing of "Electric Ladyland" read "Electric Landlady" but I don't think that was his doing.

[Sister Hyde]

Did you hear about the Coven of Dyslexic Devil worshipers??? They sold their Souls to Santa!!!

ahahahahahah classic (my boy used to have a t-shirt with "satan's little helper" on it). as for me, i used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.

[Zodiac]

A boy's best friend is his mother!!!

ahahahahahah classic (my boy used to have a t-shirt with "satan's little helper" on it). as for me, i used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.

Hi Sister Hyde,

Well, just try and look on the bright side, at least you are never really alone with Schizophrenia!!!

"Satan's little helper!" Classic!!! Boys, eh!!! What are they like???!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=781gCOmhO3g

Best Wishes,
Zodiac.

P.S. Err... I think that I might just give the shower a miss tonight!!!

[Sister Hyde]

Hi Sister Hyde,

Well, just try and look on the bright side, at least you are never really alone with Schizophrenia!!!

"Satan's little helper!" Classic!!! Boys, eh!!! What are they like???!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=781gCOmhO3g

Best Wishes,
Zodiac.

P.S. Err... I think that I might just give the shower a miss tonight!!!

boys are naughty creatures anyway, this one is only 15 months old but he already deserves the shirt.

love the video, it can compete with "yeah i killed my mama" from lovely Henry.

[Steven Russell]

I went past an AA van the other day and noticed the driver was hunched over the wheel in floods of tears. It was clear he was heading for a breakdown.

Boom boom.
Steve.

[c.d.]

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod. Initially they hadn't realized that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

There are many bad things associated with pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

I have been characterized as being a modest man. After checking into a hotel room on a recent trip, I mentioned to the lady at the front desk..."I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard."

c.d.

[Sister Hyde]

mwhahahahaha good one.

[Stephen Thomas]

A cannibal and his son are walking along a beach and see a good looking young blonde lady sunbathing topless. The son says 'Hey, dad, I've got a good idea. Why don't we take her home and eat her'. The father says 'I've got a better idea, son. Why don't we take her home and eat your mother.'

[c.d.]

I've decided that I want to die in my sleep like my Grandfather did. Not like the screaming passengers in his car.

c.d.

[c.d.]

An Irish Family Tradition:

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ....and nearly drowned!
Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.
'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya dumb ass.

c.d.