Jokes

[Celesta]

A guy walks into a bar ...
once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink." . He turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer." The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?" The guy says, "because it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman!"

Good one, BK! I'm switchin' to Suave! I swear, I didn't even see this coming when he said 'Secret!'

[Blackkat]

Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society.
"So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?"
The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it's like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately."
Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities."
The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot."

[Blackkat]

A guy walks into a bar ...
once inside, he realizes it's a gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink." So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's the name of your penis?" The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis." So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX." The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a fruity margarita, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man to his right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because quality is Job 1", he then ads, "Have you driven a Ford lately?" Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer." The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?" The guy says, "because it's strong enough for a man but made for a woman!"

[Celesta]

didnt find it amusing i guess ?

It took me awhile to figure out that hooker must be a rugby term. After that I got a chuckle out of it.

[Robert]

You're welcome, Suzi. I hope you'll feel better tomorrow.

[Suzi]

Ooooooooooooooooooooh Gawd Mr Q you have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cheered me up stuck with a 24hr BP thingy here that's driving me mad but have been wetting myself here!!! (Well not quite!!!) Thanks sooo much for cheering me up....Charles Penrose always carries me off!!!

Suz xxxxxxxx

[Robert]

Anyone remember Reginald Bosanquet from "News At Ten"? Here, he proved himself a man of many talents.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVT_wXmnZJM&feature=related

[JackTheRippa5]

didnt find it amusing i guess ?

[Suzi]

Crying with laughter here Mr Q!!!!!!!!! How wonderful!!!! I'd forgotten that!! and where's Roger when you need him (!)

[Robert]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWGpYxRvug8

[Celesta]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBsxqQIu_5s

Too funny, Mitch!

[Celesta]

OMG!!! HAHAHHAA

ahh I needed that today. That was a great joke!

Thanks, BK. I know the feeling! Glad you liked the heavenly women. I'm glad you're back. You were gone a good while.

Best,
Cel

[Mitch Rowe]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBsxqQIu_5s

[Blackkat]

OMG!!! HAHAHHAA

ahh I needed that today. That was a great joke!

Caz: I'm loving the wedding cake one too. Then again, men, beer guts, yes that one certainly is true!

Two Women In Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Helen. How'd you die?

1st woman: I Froze to Death.

2nd woman: How Horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

[ClarkesYard]

Why was "jack the rippers" rugby team playing so bad?



They were missing a hooker

i thorght this one was rather topical