Piece of Chalk

[Roy Corduroy]

Behold we see the writing there
And some opine it's just Free aire
Inspector said to Click the lens
But Warren ordered We will cleanse

So left we are to ponder such
its meaning as to straws we clutch.
But one thing we can never doubt
That mystery pervades throughout.

[Ben]

Indeed, Roy! Alternative ending:

So left we are to ponder such
Its meaning as to straws we clutch.
While some may doubt it very much,
The dratted thing was scrawled by....

But then I ran out of anything for "much" to rhyme with. Bummer.

[Sam Flynn]

The absurdity of the GSG

A Colonel named Trumpington-Bland
Waxed wrothful in Old Samarkand,
The Uzbeks defeated
He, victorious, retreated
Having first written "Nyaah!" in the sand.

[Roy Corduroy]

Laugh or Cry

Barnardo is the man we praise.
He helped so many lives to raise.
And now comes those that might suggest
That killing was what he did best

Do I laugh or do I cry?
Or do I just then close my eye
And think do I, well after all
It's not the first yarn to enthrall

There was Gull and Sickert, too
Poor Clarence dear, he’s in there, poo
And Don’t forget the sweet midwife
They said she wielded quite a knife.

It won’t end folks, least not today
Next thing you’ll hear a person say:
I have the Jack, I know it now!
He ate buffet at Ye’ Olde HofBrau

[Jon Guy]

And so, just for jolly,
My aim to blame the juw.
With half her bloody apron
A clue, from you know who.

And so, upon the jamb,
There for all to see.
With half her bloody apron
So you would know it`s me

[rain]

Indeed, Roy! Alternative ending:

So left we are to ponder such
Its meaning as to straws we clutch.
While some may doubt it very much,
The dratted thing was scrawled by....

But then I ran out of anything for "much" to rhyme with. Bummer.

a killer strolling by a hutch

[Roy Corduroy]

Jack Ramble

Barnett Bury Pizer Ape
Man with Gladstone bag and cape
Koz and Cohen went insane
Jim was cuffed on Cottage Lane

Pimple Blaster Dr. No
Oops it’s Bond we’ll take it slow
Rode a train from Liverpool
Puckeridge was known to drool

Feigenbaum is he a fit
Issenschmidt he had no wit
Cambridge don or Fogelma
Did a butcher break the law

How did he make such escapes
Packer packin more than grapes
Did he shave or grow a beard
William Bull got drunk and weird

Inquiry made at the Hague
Meantime floats the young Montague
Dresden hears from Lowenheim
Oliphant was so sublime

Catch a Slav’ll get er’ done
Pedachencko hey there’s one
Vassili and Ostrog too
Might as well throw in Raspue

Draw a cirque la miscreant
Diagram it to an ant
Sketch a line, connect the dot
Toss a dart see whatcha got

Came from Hull to bed the ward
Stranger crossed to land of Bard
Fred found barber man too late
Why did Hutch wait by the gate

Royals Masons water basins
Stop at fountain stash the arpon
Cutbush Levy Hyam Hyam
Sion Square the coppers spy em’

Grainger Fleming Deeming whaler
Gone to hop so hold the bailer
Was artiste the letter mailer
Uncle Tom the Cobley nailer

Cream said Me I was the one!
This is just plain too much fun
If I missed your favorite son
Have a go at posting one.

[Sam Flynn]

Great poem, Roy! Especially liked the visual rhyme of "vague" and "Montague".

But... "Raspue"?!!

[The Good Michael]

Roy,

I think you captured the abstract history of Ripper suspectology in one poem. Never a need to buy another suspect book. It's all there!

Nice work!

Mike

[Roy Corduroy]

Ole Tom Sadler came ashore
Had a fling with paramour
Threw him in the dock right there
Wapping stories raised some hair

Mrs Maxwell saw a gal
Problem is she's dead by now
Took a room G Wentworth Bell
Alfred Hitchcock told it well

[Robert]

Jack the Ripper came and went
Quite a coming going gent
Still we do not know his name
Only know he went, he came.
If you're going to be a ghoul
Take care not to play the fool
No satanic necromancy
Keep it plain and don't be fancy.
Come and rip 'em up and go
Nobody will ever know.

[Natalie Severn]

Clever one Robert! Congrats.

[Robert]

Thanks Nats!

[Roy Corduroy]

Scandalous!

Francis Thompson poet he
On a hooker-chasing spree
Lewis Carroll wrote a tome
Was he late arriving home

How did Randolph get the syph
From a jaunt down ole Ratcliff
If you find these notions queer
Ponder Eddy dressing deer

[Sam Flynn]

For those familiar with "The Mikado" ...

THE LITTLE(CHILD) LIST SONG

If someday it should happen that a suspect must be found
I've got a little list, I've got a little list
Of American malfeasants who are often leather-bound:
The mad self-flagellist, the sadomasochist.
The type of man who dresses up in women's underwear,
Who tucks his thing between his thighs, pretending it's not there,
And who, confronted with some shag, would rather take the twist -
I've got 'im on the list, I've got 'im on the list.

There's the sort who'd wax satyrical his handlebar moustache,
The flashy facialist - I've got him on my list;
The guy who hangs out with the boys and showers them with cash,
He never will be missed, he never will be missed.
The advertising quack who bores with tales of countless cures,
The sort who likes to tie you up, and jab your skin with skewers,
Who, even clapped in manacles, would slip one off the wrist -
That randy herbalist, I've got 'im on the list.

There's the man who pickles matrices and keeps them in a jar,
The hysterectomist - I've got 'im on the list;
He may have done a moonlight flit, but won't get very far,
That escapologist - he'll not for long be missed,
For I have put upon his tail a colleague from the Yard,
Who'll not fail to re-arrest him; well, it surely can't be hard!
And if we don't, he'll not evade the ripperologist
Who simply can't resist to keep him on the list.