A new BBC One documentary about one of the most infamous serial killers of all time.

[Phil Carter]

Indeed, Phil has exposed the silliness that abounds across these boards.
We might now watch with interest if the documentary, the purpose of this thread, exhibits more of the same or, actually introduces something new.

Thanks Jon,

Indeed. More of the same.
I tried, in a humorous manner, not only to highlight the stupidity of these boards, but the field as it stands today.

My cynical bet is on another Kosminski set up. The roundabout has stopped at his name again at this time.
Plus the fact that it may tie in with the production of a certain long awaited book (slightly) connected to Kosminski. Cynical old person that I am, I can see the connecting strands...
Oh.. Its the 130th anniversary too...

The point is this...

The BBC are using x amount.. Probably a million pounds or more, of licence fee payments, on a one off production programme that cannot in any way cover the subject sufficiently in depth to actually bring anything significantly new to the field. Therefore, the BBC are actually doing the very thing that we, who have been long in the business, abhore. Promoting more of the same old rubbish.. Whomever the "named killer will end up being..
Because it is all pre planned months if not a year or more in advance.
And the single most Infuriating thing is that, as shown in the horse race, there are people within this field who think it's fine to help the BBC create this. That, ladies and gents, is the paradox.
There are some that MUST keep "more of the same" going.

There is, sadly, no humour in this posting. Only cynical reality. A complete overhaul of how this field is run may well be needed. We, the interested parties, must realise one simple truth.

We owe it to those poor men and women from their 1888 poverty, to actually do something good.. For real historical reasons and to bury thousands of unwanted nightmares.

At the moment.. "More of the same" is an insult to their memory. ..by letting it happen again and again.

Sorry to break the mood of fun.



Phil

[Simon Wood]

Yes, indeed, Sam. Where would Ripperology be today without the encouragement of Colin "I've subscribed to every theory" Wilson?

[Sam Flynn]

I'll risk a fiver on "more of the same."

Albeit with a few portentous words spoken in close-up by Prof Wilson, the shadows highlighting his face in all its craggy glory.

[Simon Wood]

I'll risk a fiver on "more of the same."

[Wickerman]

Indeed, Phil has exposed the silliness that abounds across these boards.
We might now watch with interest if the documentary, the purpose of this thread, exhibits more of the same or, actually introduces something new.

[Scott Nelson]

You're a man after my own heart, Phil.

Who in their right mind can take all this crap seriously after a while?

[Phil Carter]

Fence No 15 is an open ditch, with a small brook running nearby, full of beavers. "Beavers brook" is where all the journalists and photographers are seated. The fence used to be called Deer Bess after one wag who sent in a letter to the Met Police Stewards complaining of the lack of support for the role of the Press. This rag wag was known in the trade as SossyJeck, a native of Scotland deeming himself a dedicated follower of fashion. Famous for his "kinks".. His nickname was "Preening Deeming". However the Stewards soon realised his game, and confiscated his supply of kinky red ink. A later rag owner renamed the fence.

More of the horses in the race.. Plodachenkolov, a Russian horse, another rank outsider ridden by Danny McCaramac emerges from the stables of Billy Le Shoe, I'll fitted for such a race.

One old seasoned and titled rider, Lord Anotherconnedway, has changed horses recently. Due to ride Monty Druitt, whom he found unstable according to some recently discovered family notes, he switched to the stallion "Heads will roll". This untried horse is of doubtful pedigree however.

J. G. P. R. Largeperson trains the unfancied non runner Tumblebum. This man was last seen in the area of Putney Vale...near the now definct K. L. G. spark plug factory. Apparently he was searching for a Doctor of some sort.

One of the Met Police Stewards has an interesting hobby. Gudmund Reads patrols the course with great vigour. It keeps him in fine fettle to overdue the art of hang gliding. No known photograph or report of this hobby is known to exist however, and there are doubts whether he does, in fact, hang around gliding at all.

The last two fences are tricky ones.

Fence No 16 is "The Arrest Warrant". Most of the horses try to avoid this fence as they know of the consequences for being found suspiciously like the pre-race favourite. Falling at this fence can see both horse and jockey sent away for rubber stamping at a Stewards retirement Home near the Seaside. After which both likely end up being looked after by their Aunt's cousin's brother's wife.
The Home is for the ill and aged Stewards, whose eyesight and memory failures are most apparent.

Fence 17 is the last fence. "Asylum awaits" can cause all sorts of problems for any horse, dead or alive. Escapees from this fence in past races have become victims of Stockholm Syndrome and crave to be returned to the fence even after many years. The course designer particularly likes this fence.

The run towards the finishing line is not a finishing straight as such. It has a bend, jutting out like a bent knee. Called "The knee" it catches out many horses as it isn't quite what it appears. The original first design was done by M. J. Kayleigh, known as MJK1 and had two more attempts before settling on the third version, MJK3. Sadly, over time, this once clear part of the course has been affected by mud, causing apparent visions and doubts as to the real shape of the bend. Most Stewards agree however that it should be kept in the race, despite much objection from purists.

2 furlongs after the bend comes the finishing line. However, as has happened every time the race has been run, no horse has survived the gruelling course. The winners enclosure is only frequented by a small group of friends and supporters of the Stewards and Course Designer. A larger group of interested parties congregate each year in the Enclosure next to the Paddock..to discuss the trials and problems of each horse, rider and sub plots within racing.


Well.. It has just been announced that the race has been abandoned by the BBC, who have decreed it murderously difficult to cover. Yes, murder by decree. They will however be back in due course to attempt to run this race again, albeit without tangible result.

That's all from me, Gilbert N Sullivan here at Braintree Race course. Now, for the final time, back to the studio.



Phil

[Phil Carter]

Brilliant!

Thank you Albert. ��. And now. Back to Peter "Gilbert or maybe Ronnie" O'Sullivan...

Sad to say the race is still not under way. The Met Police Stewards really are having great difficulties controlling the field, and the riders are basically playing" now you see me, now you don't". Still.. Better than kiss chase...

Fench No. 10 is a major conundrum. Called "The Memoryland'em" it was originally designed by a late arriving jockey, Melvin McDoughtful, in 1894. He offered three ways to jump the fence.. The, "Costrug" method was to guess where the fence was at the time of jumping. "The Blewitt" method is to try and weigh down the horse so that any jump would destroy the landing area and leave no trace of horse nor rider. "The Komical Impy" method was to try and run around the fence itself.
Many jockeys, notably Bobby Anderson and E. W. Swansong (no relation to the cricketer) have tried this many times and have, in fact, created a whole new course just by themselves by avoiding every fence.
Most horses aren't even considered good enough to be considered to jump this fence anyway.

Ahh.. The 11th.. "The Margerine Failure" has a slippery ditch on one side, a false design in the middle and a long painful drop into never-ever land on it's backside. The fence itself is full of holes, and many riders try in vain to plug the holes to no avail. This may be to do with the fact that the riders are all wearing blinkers and see only what they imagine they are seeing. The 11th is linked closely to the 12th.."The Handy Page Quotation".
This fence, though similar to the 11th, is made up of something completely different. Made up when.. being the question many spectators wonder about.

The 13th is a straight jump. In fact, it is called "Leap of Faith".. Which most riders need to get their horses around the course. Most riders find this easy.. But their joy is short lived.

The 14th is probably the hardest, highest and widest fence on the course. Named "Decapitating Jock" it was first designed by Simone Branch. Trying to get around this fence is impossible.. All horses are caught between a rock and a hard place whilst jumping, and all riders immediately refuse to jump it. Two years ago many horses had to be destroyed after facing this mammoth fence. The course designer took an immediate dislike to the fence, but it is back today by popular demand.


More later.. Now back to the BBC studio. ��




Phil

[Albert]

Brilliant!

[Phil Carter]

I will now take a pause in the race details.

The BBC will now put up a test card.

😊


Phil

[Phil Carter]

Fence No. 9 is "The Chair".. A high.. Somewhat mighty fence on top of which sits the course designer, Saul Bragg. He has in past years however, complained that he may have devolved piles. Piles of what one wonders?

The Chair is a fence all riders have to pass. If one is given the nod of approval by Saul, one is immediately entered into the small winners enclosure at the end of the race.. Even though there are no winners.

Failure to get past "The Chair" can result in any rider having their rider's licence revoked for eternity, and be constantly reminded of it. However, as course designer, Saul is keen to see that the field is kept in proper order.



Phil

[Phil Carter]

"Wally Suckered" is an interesting horse.. The only horse in the race ridden by a female rider, the American Patsy Devonish. Trained by his own foal, this horse entered the race of it's own accord.
Known to give the appearance of painting a pretty picture whilst running, the horse tends to run in the shade, even though it's rider prefers to be in the light and likes to make the running.

The rank outsider in the field is the rather obscure horse
Chas of the strand. Coming from dubious Danish stock, this breed of horse is clearly punching above it's weight. The horse, and it's rider, Timmy Waistcoat, have no previous form but are known to all by the noise made whilst galloping about on the sandy soil of the American mid West.



Phil

[Phil Carter]

There is then a long flat run of about 39 furlongs to the next fence, before which the horses have to cross the Commercial Road a second time.

Fence No 8 is a plain filthy ditch. Known as the worst looking fence on the course, "Dosser's Street" is rarely patrolled by the race Stewards. Much can happen at this fence, and members of the public live nearby.
I fact, stray cats have been known to scream murderously at night, waking up the neighbourhood.

A resident Met Police Steward of the course, G. F. Abbercream, takes particular note of the runners and riders at this fence.
In previous races, Good Ol' Hutch has been known to Influence the race but is never seen. Abbercream has faith in Hutch though. Hutch's rider is quite a celebrity. A Magi in fact. Magi Strate is a pipe or cigar smoking man of well turned appearance.



Phil

[Phil Carter]

Just wait Jon.. Patience matey...


😊

Phil

[Wickerman]

I could read along with this all day, great stuff Phil.
Druitt, jumping in....
You missed Hutchisson, thats the jockey who claimed he ran the race but no-one saw him there. His claim was deemed suspicious, just a liar, only after the prize money.