Originally posted by rjpalmer
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Ike's 'phone rings. It's Roger Palmer.
RP: Hi Ike, just checking in. Hope you're staying safe whilst solving the greatest murder mystery of all time.
II: I am indeed, Rogey. I'm working so hard I've worked up quite an appetite. Honestly, I could eat a horse.
RP: A horse! A horse? A horse, my boy??? Why, are you mad? Are you mad, my boy? Have you lost your mind? Have you gone under the charabanc of madness? A man can't eat a horse. A man can't eat a horse, my boy! It's just not possible! If I take you literally - at your very word, my boy - as I understand your intention; if I take you exactly as you speak, I am lost! I can't understand a word of which you speak for you speak of a thing which can't be done. Literally can't be done, my boy! A man can't eat a horse! You can't eat a horse, my boy! And if you can't eat a horse, my boy, all else of which you speak has no truth in it. I therefore conclude that you are not hungry at all, my boy!
II [Eating]: Crikey, calm down, Rog, you'll give yourself another hernia, mate. I've just made myself a lovely peanut butter sandwich - the doctor says I'm not to have them but to Hell with it, I'm eating it here in my kitchen for all eyes to see.
RP: All eyes to see, my boy? All eyes to see! Are all eyes in your kitchen, my boy? Are they? Are they all there, my boy, in your kitchen, right now - all eyes? All eyes in the world? All human eyes, all cows' eyes, all horses' eyes, all cats' eyes, all insect eyes? All eyes to see? I don't think so, my boy. I can only conclude that all eyes can not see this fictitious sandwich and that you are not even in your kitchen!
II: Fair enough, Rog. [Burps] Oops, apologies for that - I must have not been eating too quickly …
RP: Not been eating too quickly? Not been eating too quickly, my boy. [Ike leaves the 'phone on the kitchen table and returns to it some hours later]
RP: It's like saying you're over the Moon. Over the Moon? Over the Moon, my boy? You can't be over the Moon, my boy, for the Moon is some two hundred thousand miles away. No one person can ever be over the Moon. How did you get all of the technology to get you there, my boy? Do you see? You literally cannot be over the Moon! [Ike recalls that it was Roger who made the call so he puts the 'phone down again and goes back in to the Casebook - not literally, of course - to tell the tale].
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