Jokes

[caz]

I love jokes but this one I do not get.

Nice try, Stephen, but I can't see Rubyretro demonstrating the difference for you.

It would be very expensive to take you to a Swiss chalet at Christmas time.

Love,

Caz
X

[Robert]

Kim Jong-il
Is very very ill
In fact he's so ill, he's dead.
But Kim Jong-un
Is his favourite son
And so we've got him instead.

[Stephen Thomas]

Nice try, Stephen, but I can't see Rubyretro demonstrating the difference for you.

It would be very expensive to take you to a Swiss chalet at Christmas time.

Sorry, I still don't get it, though you and Errata obviously do.

But then I used to think that cunnilingus was an Irish airline.

[DVV]

Bravo Robert

[Robert]

Thanks David. I cannot post any more on this thread, as I am sobbing uncontrollably, banging my fists on the wall and preparing to jump in the river.

[DVV]

Ah, don't tell me...!

[Phil Carter]

Have a Merry Xnmas all! Seasons Greetings, Phil



The Cowboy...




A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard, and the ranch was doing very well .

Then one day, the widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and have some fun." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.



One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty A.M., and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's beautiful widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

“Please take off my boots” He removed the boots and set them neatly by the fire.



"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.



"Now take off my skirt." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.



"Now take off my bra." He, with trembling hands, did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.



"Now take off my panties." He slowly removed the panties, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.








(P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either)

[niko]

One prostitute ask's another prostitute " what would you ask from farther Christmas ?"

The other prostitute replies " seventy five euro's like the rest of the punter's".

All the best, Agur.

niko

[caz]

A rich, but rather mean husband gave his meekly obedient wife some money for Christmas and told her to treat herself to something nice and show him what she had chosen.

Surprised by his unusual generosity of spirit she went straight off to Harrods and quickly blew all the cash on a pair of mink-lined knickers. When she got home she put them on, happily anticipating her husband's approval.

But when he saw them he was furious with such wanton indulgence and insisted she return to the store immediately and get his money back. Flustered and upset, she arrived back at the store and asked timidly if she could possibly return the knickers for a full refund.

"Of course, modom, this is Harrods. We take pride in giving our customers the best possible service."

"But I've come in them", said the wife worriedly.

"I don't care if you've shat in them, modom. As I said, this is Harrods."

[Rubyretro]

love that one !!!

[Steve]

I should have seen that one coming ....

[Tom_Wescott]

A Request

More Paddy jokes!

Yours truly,

Tom Wescott

[ChainzCooper]

Have a Merry Xnmas all! Seasons Greetings, Phil



The Cowboy...




A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard, and the ranch was doing very well .

Then one day, the widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and have some fun." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.



One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty A.M., and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's beautiful widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

“Please take off my boots” He removed the boots and set them neatly by the fire.



"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.



"Now take off my skirt." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.



"Now take off my bra." He, with trembling hands, did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.



"Now take off my panties." He slowly removed the panties, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.








(P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either)

Hahahaha
Jordan

[caz]

One for Brits of a certain age...

What did the Yorkshireman say when he got a spark plug shoved up his arse?

"Eeee, that's champion!"

[lynn cates]

those were the days

Hello Caroline. Good one.

Would they still used those little devices. Found out they use a new something or other instead. And the cost? Manifold times more than a spark plug.

Back in the day I could work on the engine myself. Then they turned them sideways. I just leave the bonnet down and let my mechanic do the work now.

Pity.

Cheers.
LC