What an Absolute Cretin...

[Herlock Sholmes]

I self identify as kate uptons vibrator and she better start using me or I’ll sue, I swear I’ll sue!!!

I’m a little worried Abby. I’ve decided to self identify as myself. I hope it won’t offend anyone

I might need to have a re-think?

Maybe I could self identify as a transgender, turquoise tortoise in the cause of alliteration appreciation and as a point of solidarity with my spiritual brothers and sisters (or perhaps more correctly ‘bristers?’) the binary blue buffaloes of Berlin?

I hope that this post hasn’t offended you Abby or any other sentient being on the planet (or any other planet for that matter) ?

[Abby Normal]

I’m a little worried Abby. I’ve decided to self identify as myself. I hope it won’t offend anyone

I might need to have a re-think?

Maybe I could self identify as a transgender, turquoise tortoise in the cause of alliteration appreciation and as a point of solidarity with my spiritual brothers and sisters (or perhaps more correctly ‘bristers?’) the binary blue buffaloes of Berlin?

I hope that this post hasn’t offended you Abby or any other sentient being on the planet (or any other planet for that matter) ?

Lol. No your good.

[Robert]

I think the phrase 'transgender turquoise tortoise' might be intimidating to people who stutter, not to mention those with dentures. So please find something more inclusive.

[Herlock Sholmes]

I think the phrase 'transgender turquoise tortoise' might be intimidating to people who stutter, not to mention those with dentures. So please find something more inclusive.

Damn! I didn’t consider stutterers. Or our dentally challenged Bristers. Perhaps I’ve also erred by mentioning the tortoises colour ? (which is irrelevant of course and should never be mentioned) I’d hate to be responsible for the mass suicide of thousands a psychologically fragile tortoises.

Thanks for pointing out my heinous SpeachCrime Robert. I’d like to think that I’m at least ‘person’ enough to admit to my ThoughtErrors.

[Robert]

Thank you, Michael. Of course, no tortoise would object to 'turquoise' - there is no place for colour prejudice in the reptile world. However, they do dislike being lumped in with turtles, on the basis that 'they all look the same to me' - turtles and tortoises have different cultures and traditions.

Tortoises are currently trying to get this song banned :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvzZlajPVAo

[Herlock Sholmes]

Thank you, Michael. Of course, no tortoise would object to 'turquoise' - there is no place for colour prejudice in the reptile world. However, they do dislike being lumped in with turtles, on the basis that 'they all look the same to me' - turtles and tortoises have different cultures and traditions.

Tortoises are currently trying to get this song banned :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvzZlajPVAo

And I support them in their struggle of course

[Ginger]

Heh. He's not done yet... http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-43151115

[Herlock Sholmes]

Watch out if he visits the States Ginger. He’ll probably turn up dressed as John Wayne in True Grit

[Robert]

But with a bright green eyepatch edged with rubies.

[c.d.]

I work for the government and there are always signs up for a meeting of the black, lesbian, Christian, vegetarians from the Lesser Antilles or something equally ridiculous. Always makes me laugh.

c.d.

[Herlock Sholmes]

You work for the government c.d ? Can you account for your movements at 12.30 on 22nd November 1963
What’s in Hangar 18
Was the moon landing really filmed in the desert
Is Donald Trump an alien

On second thoughts, forget that last question

[c.d.]

Sorry I can't answer those questions for you, Herlock. I'm pretty much in charge of counting paper clips and making sure there are diet sodas in the vending machines.

c.d.

[Robert]

CD, how about putting the paperclips in the diet sodas machine? Cheaper than a gastric band.