How do you think the media would report it today

[Abby Normal]

THE JEWISH CHRONICLE

Speaking to a newsreporter today Rabbi Weizmann became overcome with emotion when discussing the recent Whitechapel Murders:

" It is totally without foundation that these horrible crimes are being blamed on one of our Jewish brothers. I refute these accusations categorically. I say without a shred of doubt that we are the men that will not be blamed for nothing....oops"

Regards
HS

Lol! Brilliant

[GUT]

CENTRAL PRESS AGENCY

And the good news (for us) Jack has struck again.

[Robert]

THE FEMINIST WEEKLY

Feminist intellectuals, academics, journalists and politicians have called out Jack the Ripper on his misogyny, and they've issued a clarion call to women everywhere :

"These murders are one thing. Anyone can condemn these murders. Hell, even our cleaners can condemn these murders. But these murders hide a dark and deeply worrying subtext which we'd write a thesis about if we thought there was any dosh in it.

"It's time that society showed that it values women. In our opinion, an immediate 50% pay rise for all feminist intellectuals, academics, journalists and politicians would be the clearest signal that could be sent to the Ripper and his ilk.

"We have also made a feminist fitness video entitled 'Women of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your chins.' Available in all good west end stores."

[Herlock Sholmes]

CONSPIRACT THEORIST MONTHLY

A brilliant suggestion from one of our most respected contributors.

" we all know how the Authorities/Freemasons/Illuminati are intent upon suppressing any talk of the grapes in Swedish spy Elizabeth 'The Phantom' Stride's hand? Well, I have it on good authority that at the inquest just as a doctor was about to answer "grapes," to the question "was anything in her hands," an Illuminati plant in the jury sneezed loudly causing the Coroner to record 'CASHOUS!,' on his report instead of grapes. Thus the conspiracy was complete!"

Regards
HS

[Robert]

Not sure it was sinister. After all, 85 years later a simple song about a man trying to hire a cook became a smash hit owing to a fit of sneezing :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9xWJGlr1vw

[Flower and Dean]

Some of the posts here show a very classy and not at all agenda-pushing side of people here. /sarcasm

[Herlock Sholmes]

Sorry it's so long (too much free time today)

CONSPIRACY THEORIST MONTHLY

Despite being constantly ridiculed as cranks our researchers can now say with certainty that The Whitechapel Murders were committed by two known suspects working together, paid and guided by Freemasons to protect the Royal family. Only by following a path of painstaking research combined with a logical approach can we now reveal what's been staring so-called Ripperologists in the face for over a hundred years. It's simple when you think about it.

First victim in (Buck)s Row - an obvious hint at Buckingham Palace

Second victim in Hanbury Street - divide the word - HAN the 8th, 1st and 14th letters of the alphabet. 8+1=9 1+4=5 9+5=14 and finally 1+4=5 and, as we all know, there were 5 victims.
The second part of the word BURY is our first ripper William Henry Bury

Third victim in (Berne)r Street - Berne is the capitol of Switzerland where the Freemasons arranged to send Sir Robert Anderson to scupper the investigation.

Fourth victim in Mitre Square - it should have been obvious to all that ON THE SQUARE is a Masonic phrase and the word MITRE is an anagram of remit which means: to transmit or send money (i.e. the payment made by the Freemasons to our killers)

Fifth victim in Dorset Street - Wimborne in DORSET was the birthplace of our second Ripper Montague John Druitt.

Closed minded Ripperologists will scream COICIDENCE. But then, they would say that, wouldn't they?

Regards
HS

[Herlock Sholmes]

A clever ploy by Scotland Yard to catch Jack

LOST AND FOUND

If anyone has lost a piece of cloth in the vicinity of Goulston Street please contact Sir Charles Warren for a massive reward.

Regards
HS

[Mayerling]

`Joliet Prison Tidbits of November 10, 1888:

"In discussing the distressing, but interesting news from London of the past season, we sent our inquiring reporter about to see the responses from our local population. Dr. Tom Cream, now in our dispensary put aside his mortar and pestle for a moment and started to give his views:

"It certainly is the biggest story of this type in years. I have been following it very closely, and feel that the killer has certainly chosen wisely for a target group. Who cares about the lives of these diseased prostitutes anyway? Supposedly that old creep Gladstone showed an interest in them -
he claims he was wanting to save them, but we know that's the bunk (remember this is the guy who was preparing that adulterer Dilke to succeed him a few years ago). Aside from him, nobody openly admits anything regarding interest. We know better though. That sporting Prince Bertie certainly likes a tumble now and then. Who knows but his sons might too (especially that Eddy). Or some other MPs like that Parnell character, or even maybe Lord Churchill or Mr. Chamberlain. The only person I can think of who wouldn't is maybe that so-called wit Mr. Wilde, but his interests...well the less said about him the better. The only thing that does not impress me about these murders is how messy they are because of the killer's use of mutilations. I am certain that there are quieter methods of doing the dollies in, such as ... well dosing them with some unusual poison or something.

I can hardly think of anything else to say about the case. Wish that fellow who used to be here, Le Caron, were still here. He certainly seemed to know much about police procedures and investigations. Wonder what he's up to now?""

Doc Cream then coughed, I looked at the clock, and thanked him for the interview."

[Phil Carter]

THE DAILY EXPRESS

After the discovery this morning of yet another mutilated female in East London, police have been focusing their attention on the victims themselves.

"We see that every victim bar none were white females. Some may have been engaged in part time prostitution.
Drug taking by the victims has shown not to be an issue involved in these crimes...However so far, we have stopped and searched 327 black males of the lowest class on suspicion without any degree of success. We continue to be vigilant and ask all members of the public to do the same, and report any suspicious behaviour at all so that we look like we might actually get somewhere.
These sorts of crimes are complicated due to the background scenario of the public being extremely unwilling to tell tales on their own. We ask all females to be very careful when leaving pubs and clubs. "

The police spokesman gave no indication of whom might be responsible for the murders but a photofit identikit picture shows a man in a hoody. Shouts of "Bob Marley" were heard in Berner Street and thought to have been shouted by thr killers accomplice. However the police say this is no indication of race, man.

326 Coloured gentlemen have made complaints to the police body about their treatment during the stop and search sessions. 295 were admitted to hospital having fallen over the boots of the policemen when stopped and needed stitches to their faces. .

[Herlock Sholmes]

Diary entry of Sir Charles Warren
October, 5th 1888

"God I'm fu**#%ng sick of this! "

Regards
HS

[Pcdunn]

Diary entry of Sir Charles Warren
October, 5th 1888

"God I'm fu**#%ng sick of this! "

Regards
HS

New Scotland Yard said they're investigating the internal leak of Sir Charles Warren's diary to the press, but put its disjointed phrasing and curse words down to Warren's habits of getting little sleep and less exercise.

[Herlock Sholmes]

New Scotland Yard said they're investigating the internal leak of Sir Charles Warren's diary to the press, but put its disjointed phrasing and curse words down to Warren's habits of getting little sleep and less exercise.

Yup. Sounds like me.

Regards
HS

[andy1867]

WISDEN...1888 season........


Montague Druitt..


5 Maidens over..............................