Schtonk 2: Selling Maybrick

[Lombro2]

This is a thread for a joint collaboration on a script for the Barrett Hoax. Anyone can contribute. I’ll start it off.


Schtonk 2

EXT. 12 Goldie St, Liverpool abt 1990

Mike: Hey Anne. I just finished reading Tales of Liverpool! It gave me a great idea.

Anne: Oh, no. Not again. I mean, That’s great!

Fade out and in

INT. Mike and Anne’s House

[Paddy Goose]

Liverpool abt 1990

Yes you could make a movie about it.

[Lombro2]

INT. Mike and Anne’s House

Mike hands Anne the book Tales of Liverpool.

Mike: Look at this! This book tells the story of Florence Maybrick who poisoned her husband. She killed him in 1889. The last chapter says her husband went to London to visit his doctor in 1889 before he died. That puts him in London and he died at the right time.

Anne: The right time for what?

Mike: The right time to be Jack the Ripper.

[Lombro2]

Montage of Mike and Anne doing research.

Anne researches Maybrick and Mike researches Jack the Ripper.

Fast Forward to March 28/29, 1992

INT Barrett House

Mike opens a package. He takes out a red diary that’s 2 inches by 4 inches.

Mike: Anne, the diary came in. Look, it’s perfect!

Anne (inspecting the diary): But it has 1891 printed in every page!

Mike: So what? It doesn’t have to be from 1888.

Anne: But James Maybrick died in 1889.

Mike: Eeeee! You’re right! What a divy I am!
We’re right gutted.

[Paddy Goose]

Mike:

I don't know who Mike is, but honestly my idea for a movie is better. Give it a whirl.

Here's the trailer:

Follow the adventures of the Surviving Diarists as they endlessly parse the momentous events of the 1990's.

Forget Dolly the Sheep, this is far more exciting.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Coming to a theatre near you.

[Lombro2]

That’s such a sheep joke. So baaaaaad!

[Lombro2]

You’re idea is much better, Goose, than Selling Maybrick As A Forgery.

I can see it now:

The Day The Earth Stood Still

Starring

Keanu Reeves as Lombro II aka TO Neo

Jennifer Connelly as Ally

John Cleese as Herlock Sholmes

Ally: Klaatu, why are you here on my website?

Lombro: What do you mean—your website?

[Paddy Goose]

You’re idea is much better, Goose, ...

Thank you for your kind words. But honestly I had no idea there was a new version.I thought the 1951 flick was a one-off.

And, in fact I have prepared a cast publicity blurb and the good news is yes you're init, natch.
,
The Day the Earth Stood Still

Starring The Surviving Diarists

Roger That - He makes paint dry with his typewriter
Hurley Bird Gets the Worm - He's Everywhere, He's Earlywhere!
Limber Bro - You know 'em, You love 'em, Former World Limbo Champ turned movie icon
Sister Kass- She apreads the Gospel of Keith throughout the Land
Ionestly DontNo - they say "It takes an 'onest man'
and
Special guest Yonder Wheat - back from a successful engagement in Bury the Hatchet, Manitoba

You will be spellbound as the Surviving Diarists ponder and pontificate on the most momentous event of the 1990's. THE DIARY

Never mind this lot