Sorry to intrude but I couldn't miss the opportunity to point you towards my own time travel short story (the one currently below this one, "Be careful what you wish for") that I put on the site earlier this year, mainly because you mention that if you knew where and when the crimes were going to take place, you would simply go there and apprehend him. Well, if you read my piece you may see an angle on that!
Secondly, any critisism good or bad is always gratefully received!
Originally Posted by Hercule Poirot
Please allow me to offer you some comments, the kind I suspect any litterary agent would provide you with regarding the plot.
For the moment, let's put aside the quantum mechanics time travelling theory and the 'grandfather paradox' which even if it could be possible would only work at the photon level and not at a higher one.
The problem many would have with 'Time Travelling Ripper Hunting' is that knowing the murder locations, approximate times of death, any hunter would have waited for JTR and caught him before the first murder. Now Dyson arrives on the night Stride is geting killed and does nothing about it! No explanation of the bad time sync!
If Dyson knows where the Ripper lives, why didn't he just get him and bring him back. What makes him sure the Ripper will still be at the same address? Instead, Dyson tries to convince Schwartz to inform the police, prefering to catch himself the Ripper but only after he would have killed Mary. Why alone, why wait til the end? No clue whatsoever!
The POTUS calls upon Dyson because "there’s no one else more qualified on the subject within a police department anywhere in the world" although nothing leads us to valid that claim prior to that statement besides a short mention of the Ripper on page 5 ("You’re London’s leading authority on something nobody gives a **** about").
One last question, even if the USA managed to invent the time machine, why the hell is the POTUS asking Dyson to catch the Ripper instead of informing the British police authorities? I think only Americans enjoy seeing movies where only Americans can resolve a problem. Investing in the myth of the American Heroe is a risky business!
I maybe wrong but Edmund Reid was in charge of the investigation, Abberline coordinating things between Scotland Yard and H division.
I must however say I really enjoyed reading the pilot. The introduction of the characters is quite well done besides the point made above. The rythm is good although we only get to the beginning of the core on page 34. I'm aware it's the first episode, but I reccommand reviewing its time mapping allowing the eventual viewer to get a quicker idea of what might be going on, without falling into the 3 act quicksand pit.
Please don't take it bad. I know quite well how demanding writing a fiction is. I'm only 'words' away from finishing a historical fiction involving JTR after having gone through 3 complete re-writes, beta-reading with the help of a couple of professionals and more to be done soon, etc. Don't worry, the plot has nothing to do with time-travelling.
Never doubt about the need you have to write. Only you can make the decision to carry on or not. So trust yourself and keep doing it.