Something i penned in 2010

[Jason]

[I]Hi all

I was only at the beginning of this writing adventure when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in late 2010. Consequently i put the lap top away and never got to finish what i had started. Anyway, thought i would post it up here because it is unlikely i will go back to it. Having looked at it again recently i can see many basic errors and to be honest i think it rather shite ! but for those who can be arsed reading it, hope you enjoy !

Jason

[K-453]

Hi Jason,
I've got a suspicion who the Ripper is in your story!

[Jason]

that obvious eh ??? .....not the father by any chance ? ....actually not him but that was a red herring !! good to see that was thought by yourself though, at least i had something right !...........what did you think of it anyway ?

[K-453]

I rather suspect Stanley!

[Jason]

I rather suspect Stanley!

aahhh....interesting....hadnt thought of him myself !.....but he was to remain a significant player in the chase ! to be honest, it wasnt any of the protagonists so far introduced. The story was intended for younger persons, ie teens.....i loved hardy boys stuff when i was a kid so these boys were going to be a spitalfields equivalent in 1888 !! ...thought i might be able to develop tomorrows Stewart Evans and Donald Rumbelow by getting down with the kids !!

[K-453]

Hi Jason,

the idea of writing a historical detective novel for kids isn't "shite". When I was 9 - 12 years old, I used to read a lot of books by Enid Blyton and Astrid Lindgren about gangs of kids who solved criminal cases.

PS: My regards to your wife. I hope she gets every help she needs.

[Jason]

much appreciated my friend

[TomTomKent]

Hi Jason,

the idea of writing a historical detective novel for kids isn't "shite". When I was 9 - 12 years old, I used to read a lot of books by Enid Blyton and Astrid Lindgren about gangs of kids who solved criminal cases.

PS: My regards to your wife. I hope she gets every help she needs.

It does seem tricky to avoid cliche in this particular genre/age range. Any story where a group of kids do the solving will draw comparisons, favourable or otherwise to Blyton, Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, the Three Investigators, etc. (Honourable mention for Viz's hillarious Jack Black Boy Detective strip which has nothing to do with the Tenacious D frontman).

It is worth remembering a few points if you choose to do a second draft (not that I can see much wrong with this version BTW) or keep witing mysteries for kids:

Kids stories don't have to be about kids for kids to like them (but will probably have to be about kids for publishers to think kids will like them). Biggles was one of the most popular kids books series I can think of with out featuring a kid. Adverts for toys regularly feature kids a few years older than the intended market of the toy because children (especially boys) like to copy bigger kids or adults. Off the top of my head the Phillip Pullmans mystery books featured young adult heroine while aimed at kids, who could fall in love etc. The Point books (remember those anybody?) spun out from RL Stein styled Point Horrors to have Point Crime and other off-prints that featured probationary police officers and the likes a few years older than the target audience. If you are worried that the genre choice has taken a downturn just remember that current fashions are not the defining feature.

Sorry way off topic from your work, I'll shut up now...

[Jason]

thanks Tom, appreciate your input....gives me food for thought and tbh i dont know the Pullmans books so may be worth a look for some inspiration.

[The Grave Maurice]

I had forgotten about Enid Blyton. I loved her books when I was a child. Books aimed at children can also, if the author is talented, appeal to older readers. I'm thinking particularly of J.K. Rowling or Shane Peacock and his "Young Sherlock" series. Anyway, I enjoyed your story, Jason; you write very well. I encourage you to get back to work on it at the first opportunity. If you finish it, I'll certainly buy a copy.

P.S. The only correctable thing I noticed is that "pail" as in "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a..." isn't spelt "pale".

[Jason]

I had forgotten about Enid Blyton. I loved her books when I was a child. Books aimed at children can also, if the author is talented, appeal to older readers. I'm thinking particularly of J.K. Rowling or Shane Peacock and his "Young Sherlock" series. Anyway, I enjoyed your story, Jason; you write very well. I encourage you to get back to work on it at the first opportunity. If you finish it, I'll certainly buy a copy.

P.S. The only correctable thing I noticed is that "pail" as in "Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a..." isn't spelt "pale".

should have just called it a bucket !! thanks for your remarks GM, much appreciated indeed. Getting feedback from people on here has done me a great service, tbh asking people close to you can be sometimes diluted and inoffensive......throwing it out in the open to people i havent met leaves you feeling vulnerable initially but the criticism feels more genuine.....my wife thinks its great but to be fair i didnt expect her to say anything else !!

[Bridewell]

Hi Jason,

If you get this finished, I'll definitely buy a copy. It's well-written and goes at the murders from an interesting new perspective. I definitely think it's worth pursuing. I hope your wife's on the mend. Listen to her opinion, because there's nothing wrong with what you've written. You may think it's 'a bit shite' but that's because you're probably your own worst critic. Get cracking & good luck!

Regards, Bridewell.

[Jason]

cheers bridewell, things are looking good with my wife so i may get back into it in the summer. I always believed in the approach i had to the story, and believed it was unique in the angle i took to it. The most difficult part is making the persons within the story believable and contemporary to that age. As much as love the JTR case, i am not a historian and the fear of making a stupid and obvious mistake which could be picked up by an educated eye fills me with dread. But hey, its only a story !

[Cogidubnus]

A pearl...

Jason

There are odd minor spelling/grammatical errors but nothing important...the quality of your writing is very good indeed and there is an immediate empathy with your characters...I'm not sure where you're going with this, but please do continue...I'm a big reader, but a fussy one...and if the rest of your book matches this for quality I for one will be buying it!

Every good wish

Dave

[Jason]

cheers Dave, i will try and get back into this as and when i can.